Meet the Bridesmaids (and the Not Bridesmaid)

When Pat asked me to marry him, we immediately began planning. After we picked the date came the hard decisions. Like bridesmaids.

 

We decided right away that we didn't want a huge bridal party. He's one of 15 children, but he wasn't into having that many people joining us on the altar. Works for me! I was already sitting there trying to figure out who in the heck I wanted to stand up there with me and how many old friendships I was going to have to dig up to cover the number of siblings he has. Then I didn't have to worry about it. Good!

 

I knew immediately that my Maid of Honor is going to be my sister. We've said it since we were little and I've already failed her. Twice. She wasn't present at either of my first two weddings. And I can honestly say I'm glad now that she wasn't there because it makes this even more special for me. My dream is finally coming through, and the person I always imagined would be standing up there to support me is going to be there. I am so excited to see her in her beautiful dress and know that she is behind me 100%. Trust me, if she wasn't, she wouldn't have consented to be my Maid of Honor. Or gone to David's Bridal and purchased her dress.

 

 

After that, my next choice was obvious. Best Friend. DUH! Rachel and I have sort of a weird friendship. But in a good way, though. See, we've known each other since middle school. And we were sort of friends then. But only because we were 2 out of 3 girls in our computer class. Fast forward, we're in high school. And we are friends between the end of lunch and 5th period. Why? Because we happened to be walking the same direction and she was part of the same circle of friends as my at the time boyfriend. Fast forward a few years later? MySpace is big, we "meet" through a mutual friend at the time and we've been best friends ever since. That was 2008. In our 5 and a half year friendship, Rachel and I have spent less than 10 days together. When she comes for the wedding, we will FINALLY break that 10 day goal. By one day. But it's progress! And regardless of how little time we actually get to spend together, she is absolutely, without a doubt my best friend in the entire world. No matter what, she's here for me. And she understands me. It's awesome. Our phone conversations pick up just where they left off and it's like we've never spent a day apart in our lives.

 

Now Pat and I had decided on 3. He selected his 3, I selected two. And then I was trying to figure out who my third bridesmaid should be. It didn't take long to figure out who it should be. When I moved to NC in 2006, my first real friend was my next door neighbor. She was a Marine, had just had her first child and was young (but not as young) like me. Jayme from The Semper Fi Life of a Marine Corps Wife and I bonded over bottles and birth control and have been best friends ever since. We've had our ups and downs as all friendships do, but we've managed to come out strong and have an amazing relationship! She is supportive, kind, an amazing wonderful and always puts her kids first. I couldn't imagine celebrating my wedding day without her!

 

When I initially pictured my wedding, I thought of 4 people. But after some thinking I had decided not to include the fourth person. Well, she definitely proved that I made the right decision.

 

The weekend after I had selected my bridesmaids and they'd all said they would be here for me, I was headed out to go look at dresses. I decided to post on Facebook that I was headed there and my bridesmaids and mom should keep their phones close at hand so they could see pictures when I sent them! Because every bride wants the input of these people when they pick their dress, right? Well, maybe they don't, but I wanted to include them even though they weren't actually able to be with me. So when I posted the status update to Facebook I tagged them in it.

 

Not even two minutes later I got an angry text message from the fourth person I had opted not to include. She was mad that I hadn't asked her to be a bridesmaid because she had been there for me since high school and we were best friends and I chose the wrong person. Whoa, hold up a minute.

 

One, she stopped talking to me when I moved out to NC. Two, our friendship since she moved to NC had been off and on because she kept getting mad at me for stupid little things. And three, no. She clearly proved to me that I did NOT choose the wrong woman to be my bridesmaid.

 

Here's my issue. It's my wedding and Pat's wedding. Which means we, the married-couple-to-be get to make the decisions. Which means that we get to select our bridal party. Which means that if you have an issue with what we choose... Well that's just too bad for you.

 

It really frustrated me that this person thought she would get to just decide that she was in my wedding. And that it was ok to get angry with me for not asking her to be my bridesmaid. It's my choice, and I clearly made the right decision.

 

I'm also really sad, though, because she has taken it so far. Our friendship has been completely erased be her. She stopped calling me and texting me. She never asked to make plans after that. Our friendship on Facebook was deleted, as was mine with her husband, and she even went so far as to block me. And I don't understand how our friendship could have meant so little to her that she was willing to give it all up over a decision for the wedding.

 

Why would I have wanted her up there with me on my Wedding Day if she was willing to throw our friendship out the window just because I didn't ask her? It says a lot about how little our friendship truly meant to her. And I am sad that our friendship is gone, but in a way I'm glad. Because it is so obvious by her subsequent actions that what we had wasn't really a friendship. It was just convenient for her at the time.

 

So, as a result of all of this, I am very happy with the three women I selected to be my bridesmaids. I know that they will be there for me through thick and thin and that they support me in my marriage. I am forever thankful for them and the influence they have on my life.