Land of the Free, because of the Brave

What is Veteran's Day?

 

Well, for years and years it was just another Monday off school. You know, the one you get just two weeks before Thanksgiving and you're so excited to have just that one extra day to do whatever you want. The one where you get together with family and friends because everyone is off and you have this big barbecue and play games and enjoy the day.

 

Today? Not so much.

 

Today I look at Veteran's Day very differently from the way I did ten years ago. Even differently from the way I viewed it five years ago.

 

Why?

 

For starters I've been a military wife. That didn't work out so well for me, but the association with the military gave me a new view on the men and women who serve our country. There was a period of several years where it was my goal to join them and serve beside them. I was able to see these ordinary people become extraordinary by signing a few papers, attending weeks of training and becoming a person willing to lay down their life for their family, friends and country.

 

It was like a wake-up call to know these men and women. To watch them wake up before dawn every morning to go to work. To see them come home dead tired at the end of each day, knowing they would get up and do it again tomorrow. To gaze at the empty space they had just filled because they had to walk away to go overseas for several months. To sit, waiting for the bus to pull up announcing their arrival back in our country.

 

Talk about people to respect and look up to.

 

I will admit that my ex husband and I didn't make it through a deployment. It's not necessarily a fact that I'm proud of, but there are sound reasons behind our decision to split up.

 

My ex husband served two tours overseas. He spent a total of 14 months in Iraq between February 2008 and February 2010. I am proud of him everyday for signing his enlistment papers and following through on what he had promised himself to do for his country. I am proud that Kaley's father had the courage to do what so many men and women can't bring themselves to even consider.

 

I am proud of all the men and women who have joined our armed forces. They deserve the highest respect that can be paid. These men and women go off to war, not knowing if they will return home. They don't know if they will see their families and friends again. They don't know if they will ever again know the comfort of their own bed or have their children run up to them at the end of a long day. Yet they do it. Because they believe it's the right thing to do.

 

Now I'm not a military wife anymore. I'm not a wife at all. I'm a wife-to-be, though.

 

And I'm going to be married to a Veteran.

 

Sure I wasn't around for his life in the military. But I'm here for the aftermath.

 

I wasn't there for his first seven spine surgeries, or his two knee surgeries. But I'm going to be there for the rest of them.

 

 

Pat was a soldier in the U.S. Army. He spent 15 months overseas. Within the first two months of his tour he was involved in three separate IED explosions. The last explosion left him lying face down in the dirt while his fellow soldiers were under fire. It's a miracle he was still alive by the time they were able to retrieve him.

 

That explosion put him into a coma for two months. When he woke up he was notified that he had already undergone one spine surgery and needed to have another. They were ready to put him on a plane and send him home.

 

But because it wasn't an absolute emergency and completely necessary at that time, Pat decided to finish his tour with his men. He didn't want to leave them behind. He had signed papers, he had been given orders and he wasn't willing to walk away from what he'd sworn he would do. He wasn't ready to stop defending our country. Pat was in it for the long haul.

 

That's a soldier to be proud of. That's the man I see everyday. I see a man who would have given everything, including his own life, health and safety, for the men and women he deployed with. I see a man would couldn't walk away until he knew his friends were safe. I see a man who knew his purpose and wasn't going to listen to anyone tell him what he should and shouldn't do.

 

How do I see this?

 

In the stories he tells. In his face when he tells them. In the way he fights through the pain he endures everyday. In the way he turns up the volume on the radio when American Soldier starts playing. In the way he tells me that he would go back to the Army if he could. In the way he stood up last night to honor the flag of our country at Kaley's Veteran's Day concert. In the way he can hardly get out of bed for the pain he is feeling. In the strength he finds within himself to face each day ahead of him.

 

 

I am completely amazed by him. And by all of our Veteran's who have found the strength to move forward with their lives. I don't know what it must be like for them on the inside, but watching some of them struggle outwardly because they are determined to succeed is incredible. It's not an easy task to move forward from a war.

 

The nightmares brought on by PTSD. The surgeries brought on by missions that went awry. The knowledge that they could have lost their lives. The understanding that they would have been willing to give up their life to save another.

 

I listened to a number of Veteran's speak last night. I watched one or two of them get emotional. I helped my fiancé to stand when they called for men and women who have served in the current war to stand and be honored. I felt the tears in my eyes. Because I am proud of him. And I am proud of all of our Veteran's. They've done wonderful things in their lives and the deserve the respect and love of our country.

 

So before you go away for your three-day, holiday weekend with a barbecue on Monday, I ask that you think about these men and women. I ask that you remember why it is we celebrate them this weekend. I ask that you think about the flag of our country and why it flies. I ask that you pay attention to the ceremonies held across the nation to honor these men and women. I ask that you thank the Lord for the people who fight and have fought for your freedom.

 

Be proud to live in the Land of the Free. And remember that you are here because of the Brave.

 

 

Skype Call Gone Wrong (and a Call with the Sherriff's Department)

I have a huge exam to take tomorrow. I'm stressed over the exam, but there's something else weighing on my mind. It's been there for a while now, and I've sort of addressed it over on the Facebook page, but not to the point where I feel like I've gotten it out of my system.

Several weeks ago, Kaley was having a Skype call with her father. These calls aren't new. We've been holding them roughly every other week since January. It took him a while, but he finally came around to the concept of keeping them consistent, so that's what we've started.

Let's set the stage.

Kaley and I are sitting on the couch, the laptop is up and running and we're waiting for the telltale Skype call ringtone to sound. He's usually pretty good about being on time and this week was no exception. Cue the start of the call.

Now, for those of you who don't know, Kaley has ADHD. She's very easily distracted and often it's a task to get her to stay focused long enough to talk about one topic for more than thirty seconds. Most of these calls consist of flitting from one topic to another, briefly touching on the highlights of each.

After covering the basics (school, the weather, anything fun) we finally hit on a topic she will talk about. She'd recently attended a friends sleepover birthday party.

This friend has been in Kaley's class since they were in preschool. We've known the family for years, and their oldest son is one of my students. I'm familiar with them, Kaley is familiar with them and we trust them completely. I've never seen anything negative from either parent or heard anything that would cause me to worry.

The plan for the party was more than it is for most kids their age, but they are also growing up and times are changing. The girls (there were only 3 in attendance aside from Kaley and the birthday girl for a total of 5 girls) began their party at a local park. They played, the had dinner and the enjoyed cake and ice cream. From there the plan was to go to a hotel where they would open gifts, go swimming and settle in with a movie before it was lights out. The plan for the following morning was breakfast, followed by a trip to the nail salon and then meeting parents back at the local park. Was it more than Kaley is used to? Absolutely. But did I think she could handle it? Of course. And did I think the parents could handle it? There wasn't a doubt in my mind.

When Kaley came home from the party, we talked about it for a long time. She had so much fun and she started in on planning similar events for her own birthday next year! Talk about a kid who just couldn't contain her excitement over the entire event!

Back on the Skype call, the topic was suggested in her conversation with her father. She just went on and on. What about? Not the cake, not the movie, not the park or getting her nails done. She started describing a situation which she hadn't told me about and which was of some interest to her father and I.

What was she describing? A situation in which she and the other girls were at the hotel pool. There was an older man and his 12 year old son also there and she stated that they were being mean to the girls. Kaley told us that they had some toys and the man and his son kept taking their ball away and keeping it from them.

For the first time in years, her father finally truly paid attention to her and seemed interested. I proceeded to ask her a few questions. Was the birthday girls mom around? Were the girls being mean to the man and his son? Were they all playing together? Did birthday girls mom do anything or say anything?

Her answers all seemed alright with me, but I made a mental note to talk with the parent who was in attendance at the time. Apparently, though, I should have done something about it immediately.

Her father, with Kaley still right there on the Skype call, proceeded to lay into me about how I was neglecting our child and that I should have been on the phone with the police and he just went on and on and on. Literally raising his voice at me.

I did my best to tell him calmly that I would look into the situation and let him know what information I was able to gather from the parent. Calm and rational wasn't working, though, because he just kept at it. After about two minutes of this Kaley stomped her way across the house to Gramma's room, announcing that she was never going to talk to her Daddy again. At that point I told him it was either the end of the discussion or the end of the call.

He chose end of call.

So I ended the call because he started to raise his voice again.

Not two minutes later he was trying to call back. I denied the call. He messaged me telling me again that I wasn't taking the situation seriously and I was neglecting our child and that I was wrong to allow her to go to this birthday party.

I messaged him back, told him I was going to look into the situation and I would let him know. Then I signed off.

Now, of course, my first action was to send a message to the parent. I described the situation Kaley had told us about, questioned what had actually occurred and asked if she would provide a logical explanation. In the mean time I decided to put Kaley to bed and tell her we would discuss whether she had to talk to her father again later.

Kaley is a fantastic story teller. She also doesn't always see things the way an adult would. Knowing her the way that I do, and understanding that her perception of a situation could be vastly different than what actually happened, I waited.

What adults see vs. what children see

It wasn't long before I had a message back from the parent who was at the party explaining the situation.

Yes, there was a man and his 12-year-old son. It's a pool. At a hotel. It wasn't likely they'd have it to themselves. The girls had some toys, but they didn't have a ball to play with. The man and his son did. They were kind enough to invite the girls to play. Now, lets look at a young boy and a group of 7 & 8 year old girls. What's their favorite game? Keep away. So the girls would get the ball and not give it back. Then the boy would get the ball and not give it back. No one was being mean in the true sense of the word, but a 7 year old could see it that way.

Not two minutes after I received a response from the parent did the telephone ring. No, not the parent. Nope, not Kaley's father.

The Sherriff's Department.

Seriously?? You couldn't give me enough time to get in touch with the parent like I told you I would? Apparently that's too much to ask for and I'm supposed to be some sort of miracle worker or telepath who can communicate with anyone, anywhere, at anytime. Sorry, buddy, I don't work that way.

I calmly explained the situation to the Deputy, who laughed and understood completely how a child's imagination can get in the way of truly knowing what happened in a situation as he has a 4-year-old himself, and hung up. Oh, I also mentioned that this isn't the first time Kaley's father has called, and it isn't the first false report he's made. The Deputy made note of it and said he'd put it in the file.

I decided to log back in to Skype to clear out the messages I was certain he had sent me. And, of course, there's more. Now I'm childish for ending the call even though he was raising his voice at me. I'm a narcissist because I can't see how a situation like that would affect my child (seriously!? You didn't give me time to investigate the situation!). I'm wrong to trust the parent because obviously they're going to say anything to get out of a situation which could get them in trouble. I'm a terrible parent, blah, blah, blah. It's the usual things I hear from him all the time. I get it.

The aftermath?

Well, I spent the next two weeks trying to convince Kaley that she at least needed to get on Skype. Even if all she did was tell him she didn't want to talk, she had to appear and say it herself. I couldn't do it for her.

In that two weeks Kaley also asked, multiple times, if Pat could adopt her and be her "forever dad".

She also announced to Gramma that she was going to start calling Pat "Dad". And she has been more often than not.

Oh, and she announced that she didn't want to call her biological father "Daddy" anymore.

She wants to call him by his first name.

We've had a call since then, which is another story entirely. I'll update you on that soon. But I wonder if he noticed that during the most recent call she didn't once call him "Daddy"? Or address him by any name at all?

Tired. All. The. Time.

Life is still ridiculously crazy. I honestly feel like I haven't stopped for weeks or months or years. It's starting to catch up to me in a big way.

I'm exhausted by the end of the day. But it's not exhaustion that causes me to sleep. I'm exhausted some nights to the point that I can't get to sleep at a reasonable hour. Like the other night when I couldn't get to sleep until after the Patriot's game ended, which was after midnight. Seriously!? I'm not even a Patriots fan! But I could not for the life of me fall asleep.

But then there are nights where I lay down at 8 and I'm asleep within ten minutes. It's ridiculous! I can't afford to be asleep that early in the evening! I have chapters to read for school and papers to grade for work and I am currently winging it this week, making up lesson plans as I go because I haven't sat down to write them down. I know what I want to do, I just haven't found two minutes to sit down and put it in my planner to turn in to the principal. Crazy!

This week they are doing IOWA testing at school which means that my class schedule is all out of whack this week. Honestly, this is actually a blessing for me because I don't have classes until the afternoons. I still have to be at work at 9:30, though, so I've got a lot of down time. Except it's not down time. No, no, no, no, no..... This is my catch up time! I literally spent over 3 hours catching up on grading papers and figuring out which students have missing assignments and tracking down why student X is failing and adding in Extra Credit points that 7th and 8th grade earned. It was exhausting in it's own way!

Pat and I are trying to figure out where we stand financially. Tallying up money and then looking at the bills we both have to pay? Not my idea of a fun evening. And it gets really frustrating after a while because you just want the numbers to all magically work. Seriously, I know they work. I just haven't figured out how to make them work because our pay schedules are totally different and we are both trying to save for the wedding and it's just insanity. And, again, exhausting in it's own way.

Oh, and we can't forget my schoolwork. It seems to be never-ending, but in reality, the end is actually in sight! I only have 4 classes left until graduation! The catch? Two of those classes are major, MAJOR exams. One of them is only offered during three windows each year. So that basically means that if I don't pass it when I take it mid-November, I can't take it again until March. Of course that adds to the stress level. And adding to my stress level just makes me what? Yup, you guessed it- tired. All. The. Time.

I will say that Pat and I have started going to the gym. We went three days last week which was seriously awesome. And we worked it out over the weekend so we can start going five days a week, Monday through Friday. And the weird part of it is that I'm NOT as tired after a long hard workout. How backwards is that!? I've just poured sweat and worked out for an hour and now I'm NOT tired?? I know that's how it's supposed to work and that it's a good thing but it's kind of annoying. I want to have that kind of energy at night when I'm looking at the 12 chapters of reading I need to do. Or when I'm staring at the 65 assignments I have to grade. Or when I'm looking at all of the wedding papers spread out across my desk trying to figure out what to check off of the to-do list next. Or when I'm sitting at my computer thinking that I really want to write a blog.

But when it comes down to it?

I'm just too tired.

 

I've spent a lot of time lately contemplating how tired I am and evaluating how much further I can run myself into the ground. I honestly don't remember being this tired ever before in my life. Not when I was a teenager. Not when I was pregnant. Not when I was waking up every three hours with Kaley for the first 8 months of her life. Not when I became a single parent.

 

And I'm sitting here trying to figure out where I can step back from the things I have going on. The reality, though, is that I can't step back from anything. I'm committed to teaching and I'm loving every exhausting second of it. I'm committed to finishing my degree and I am so close to having it in hand that I can't stop now. And there's no way I'm putting wedding planning on hold because I just can't wait to marry the man of my dreams.

 

So I guess I've come to realize that I'm just going to be tired.

 

And hopefully I can keep myself together enough to not get cranky with everyone around me.

 

But maybe I should hope that they love me enough to put up with me when I do get cranky...?

Currently.

I've been such a slacker lately. I haven't written in almost a week. And that was to tell you all about how my amazing Mr. Boston proposed to me! Pretty awesome if you ask me!

Anyways... I figured I would write about some of the things that are going on in our lives right now.

Wedding Planning

 

Honestly at this point what I consider wedding planning is pinning things on Pinterest. I've had a wedding board on Pinterest for over a year now and it certainly had it's fair share of awesome ideas, but I've started pinning more selectively. I've also created different boards to pin for different parts of the wedding (reception, photos, invitations, etc.).

 

Aside from that, I haven't accomplished much. Well, except for choosing the wedding colors, picking out my bridesmaids dresses, finding KBug's flower girl dress and purchasing my wedding gown!

 

I went in to David's Bridal (of course) last weekend to just look around. I wasn't planning on making any purchases, but just getting a general sense of what colors I really liked and what sort of dress I might like. One thing led to another and my consultant had me trying on dresses. I tried on four dresses and the minute I put the fourth one on, it was a perfect fit, and I just knew that was it! And my consultant just kept adding little things to make it even more perfect. So Gramma and I decided to purchase it because it all seemed too perfect to just walk away! Seriously, how often does anyone walk into David's Bridal and walk out with a wedding gown? No alterations needed, the had all of the pieces I wanted in stock and it was the best experience I have ever had! And they took a video and had me ring the bell and I cried.

 

And that's as far as I've gotten on wedding plans. I have plenty of ideas floating around in my head, but it will be a while before they all come to be reality. I'll check in as I do more, though, I promise! And I'll definitely check in after we have our engagement photos taken in a few weeks!

 

Schoolwork

 

Well, I submitted two assignments yesterday. Go me! One of them came back with a passing grade, the other had a few revisions necessary. No big deal. I completed the revisions this morning, had my assignment looked over by a course mentor who gave me the go ahead and then I submitted it again. Hopefully I get a passing grade back in the next day or two. Once that is graded, I will have completed 12 units in two months and only have 25 units to complete before I'm officially graduated! I'm so incredibly excited, you have no idea! And school is my top priority. Wedding planning would be much more fun, but I have to finish my degree. Besides, the wedding isn't for another ten months. I've got plenty of time!

 

Work

 

I go back to work next Monday. I finally found out that I'm teaching Religion this year for grades 4-8. Fourth and Fifth grade is a combined class at our school this year, so I'm teaching four classes a day. I'm also coordinating the weekly school mass, coming up with service projects, managing the altar servers, organizing our Adopt-A-Highway clean up and teaching Faith Formation every Sunday night. And don't forget I'm also a cheer team coach again this year! I've got a seriously full plate, but I'm really excited.

 

And, go me, I've figured out how I plan to run my classroom to make it easier on me in terms of workload and grading. There will be a Prayer of the Month test every month. This is something that middle school had last year and it was a big learning experience for all of them. Basically they'll get a new prayer each month, have about four weeks to memorize it and then be given a test. Not so hard.

 

They'll also have a weekly quiz every Friday. This will cover what we've talked about through the week and requires them to have paid enough attention to retain the big topics we've discussed. I think having to remember our conversations for longer than a day will make a big difference. Maybe a few of the big things will really sink in and they'll really learn something.

 

Homework will be given out in a packet at the beginning of every week. It's due at the beginning of the period on Friday. If you didn't complete your packet, guess what? You're doing it right then and there. Consequence? You lose Friday Fun Day. I know these kids are getting older, but they haven't lost their childhood. They still love to play games and do arts and crafts and just do silly activities. What we do will still have something to do with the discussions and topics from the week, but it'll be fun and enjoyable.

 

Quarter projects. The middle school classes had to do these last year. Largely they hated them, but I'm hoping to find ways to make it more fun. For example, the first quarter we are focusing on Saints. The middle school students will be assigned a Saint and they will have to do enough research to create a Fakebook for their Saint. They'll have certain criteria to meet and deadlines for their research. But they all know Facebook and I think it'll be a new twist on the assignment that they might actually enjoy. Fourth and Fifth grade? They're going to learn how to make brochures for their Saints!

 

Housework

 

Basically my house is a mess right now. Why? Well, PJP moved out and life got crazy. When PJP left, I moved back into the upstairs room. This created an open room which we used to give KBug a playroom because I was tired of her toys taking over her bedroom and it being such a mess. I really don't like stepping on Legos when I go to put her to bed. So the playroom was painted, and so was her room. Mostly everything is set up in the playroom, but not all of my stuff has made it upstairs yet. My living room is a total disaster. But I'm planning to get that cleaned up tomorrow before the neighbors children come over tomorrow evening. I can do it.

 

And that's pretty much what we have going on. Starting back to work will be interesting next week. I'm really excited! I'm going to put together my bulletin boards Friday morning which will be awesome and meetings begin on Monday. KBug says she isn't ready to go back but, trust me, she's ready. She's so bored with summer at this point and there's not much I can do with her at this stage of the game because we have so much going on. So next Thursday when school starts will be a blessing for all of us.

 

Let the craziness of the next ten months begin!

Franklin Park Zoo [Boston]

If you've just started reading about our vacation, don't start here. Go back to the beginning and read them in order. Trust me, it will all be better in the end if you read from the start. And if you're behind, don't worry. You can catch up pretty quickly. Just follow the links below.

Day 1: Museum of Science

Day 2: Children's Museum

Day 3: 4th of July

Day 4: Canoe River Campground

Day 5: New England Aquarium

 

Alright, now I can talk about our last day in Boston, our last morning at the campground, and our visit to the Franklin Park Zoo. The morning started off slow. We woke up pretty early in the morning, but our entire site was in disarray. It had been late when we got back the night before and there was no packing happening after such a long day. Plus it was dark and I didn't want to pack with a flashlight.

 

That morning they were having a French Toast breakfast at the campground. It was quick and easy, so we headed out to meet some new friends for breakfast and to let KBug and their daughter play on the playground for a little while. The girls had a blast, and didn't want to leave when we told them it was time to go. V literally stood there while we walked away and didn't join us until we were almost out of sight. She and KBug were fast friends and it was adorable watching them play, but heartbreaking watching them say goodbye and give each other hugs.

 

 

After our long goodbyes, we wandered back to our campsite. Mr. Boston and I set out packing our belongings, breaking down the tent and being creative in putting everything back in the car. It was interesting and annoying, but we managed to get it all in and we set off for the zoo!

 

Again, I was smart. I checked ahead of time and we were able to get into the zoo for half price because of our membership at the NC Aquariums down here. Awesome? I think so! We made our way in and decided our first stop couldn't be anything other than a bathroom. So off we went. We managed to find one pretty close to the entrance and went on from there.

 

The first few exhibits we saw were pretty boring. The gorillas were all sleeping. How dare they be sleeping when we come to see them! We asked a member of the zoo staff if they would be awake at any point and they explained that they were sleeping in preparation for their lunch. We were told that they would likely be awake in an hour or so after they had been fed. We were also informed that the majority of the animals in that particular area would be sleeping and decided we would walk through, but then come back again later.

 

 

 

We continued on through the exhibits, seeing all that we could see. When we came around to the zebras and giraffes, one of Mr. Boston's step brothers joined us! He recently spent some time in the hospital and was in some pain, but he really wanted to see Mr. Boston and meet KBug and I so he joined us for the day. KBug was more than willing to slow down a bit for him and I thought it was really sweet of her to be so understanding.

 

 

 

We kept wandering around, going through the "Franklin Park Farm" and checking out the amazing playground they have in the middle of the zoo. Seriously, that park was awesome! I almost climbed up to play with KBug, but decided against it. She was off having fun and I didn't want to intrude on her good time.

 

After a couple of hours we made it through the entire zoo, and even remembered to go back to see if the gorillas were awake. I was so excited because we made it around to their exhibit and I was able to get some really great pictures of them! Plus I love seeing the gorillas... And I really wanted to watch Tarzan...

 

 

Now, most zoos and parks and such have gift shops at the entrances. This one was in the middle. So once we made it all the way back to the entrance, we had to walk all the way back to the middle for the gift shop. Honestly, I didn't have a problem with it because I'd spent our vacation locating AR books for KBug and I wanted to see if I could find another one. So KBug and I headed to the gift shop while Mr. Boston and his brother headed for the car as they were both in pain from the amount of walking we had done.

 

KBug and I had a successful visit to the gift shop. She was able to find a small toy and I found another AR book! Go me! I think that was the best part of our vacation for me. I love finding books that will challenge her.

 

Once we made it back to the car we said our goodbyes to Mr. Boston's brother. We also said our goodbyes to Boston. And with that we were on our way to our next adventure in Philadelphia!

New England Aquarium [Boston]

I guess it's that time. Time to write about our trip to the New England Aquarium. But this wasn't an easy trip like the past few days had been. Why?

Because KBug's father met us there.

 

I didn't receive confirmation from the Ex Husband that he and his family would be joining us until the afternoon before. Naturally I hadn't told her that he would be joining us yet because I didn't want to get her hopes up and then have him disappoint her as he has countless times before. I didn't think that would be fair to her. She has had so much emotional upset in her life because of her father that I didn't want to cause an additional upset if there was no reason.

 

So Mr. Boston, KBug and I got up that morning, drove into Boston and found the parking garage. ($35 for parking. Ouch!) Once we parked the car, we put what we needed in our little backpack (wallets, phones, band-aids, etc.) and I held KBug for a minute while I told her about the day.

 

I told her that her father and his family were coming to join us and was met with a sort of blank stare. She found her voice and repeated it, after which she said "OK, can we go in now?"

 

So far so good.

 

Off we went to wait in line for tickets. If I had been smart I would have thought to reserve them online ahead of time, but I wasn't that smart. Oh well. It only took us about ten minutes to get through the line, pay for our tickets and have our picture taken before entering the aquarium.

 

Rather than standing around with a KBug who couldn't wait to go into the aquarium, Mr. Boston and I decided to take her into the small section right off the entrance where you can pet the stingrays. She's always loved the open tanks where she can feel the stingrays as the swim by, so I thought it would be a good distraction. Especially since I had yet to hear from the Ex Husband.

 

After spending a few minutes in there, I finally got a text that said they were in line for tickets. OK, I told him where we were and we decided we would meet just inside the aquarium entrance. Not a problem. I took KBug to the restroom and we waited. And we waited. And we waited. KBug isn't good at waiting and she wasn't all that interested in waiting for Daddy, to be honest. She was more interested in me holding her and talking about what was in the aquarium that we might see.

 

Once they made it into the aquarium and over to us, the Ex Husband said hi to KBug and she just sort of stared at him. Like I said before, she wasn't very interested. After bathroom trips for their family, KBug got slightly more comfortable and started up a conversation with their 3.5-year-old son and tried to talk with their 1.5-year-old daughter.

 

Then we headed into the aquarium. We sort of stuck together as a group, going to see the Seal show outside and venturing around the first floor. But once we started moving up around the giant tank in the center of the aquarium, we weren't really a group anymore.

 

KBug has always loved aquariums. But she wants to see everything. So she doesn't stay in one spot for very long. Basically she was constantly on the move, to the point where getting pictures of her was a little bit difficult because she didn't want to stand still. I managed, though.

 

We stayed together in something resembling a group through the second floor. But KBug had missed the jellyfish and I wanted to be sure she saw them. So I pulled her away, mentioned I was taking her to see the jellyfish and we went down to the tank.

 

By the time I turned around, they were gone. Mr. Boston, KBug and I thought we would move up to the next level to see if we could find them. Well, we couldn't. KBug was anxious to keep looking and was calling continuously to Mr. Boston and I to come see the tanks, so we moved on figuring we would run into them soon.

 

A few minutes later I received a text asking where we were. I told them we were on the third floor. They asked if we weren't a group anymore and I explained that I had taken her to see the jellyfish and they were gone when I turned around. They responded that they were at the top floor. I said we would be there soon.

 

We finished up half of the third floor and made our way up to the top. It took us a minute to locate them once we were up there, and by the time we did they were heading back downstairs. Awesome. I let KBug look around and then we headed down to meet them.

 

Their children were hot and hungry and getting a little cranky so they wanted to take them downstairs and move towards leaving. KBug wanted to see the other half of the third floor. So they went down, and we kept looking.

 

Eventually we found them downstairs. The Ex Husband had taken their son to see the stingrays and such, and KBug wanted to see them again so in we went. Apparently we had missed a lower level while we were in there earlier, so down to the lower level we went. It worked out awesome for me because they had more jellyfish down there and that's my favorite exhibit at aquariums, and KBug was able to experience a few more touch tanks.

 

After that we hit up the gift shop, made our purchases and left the aquarium. At that point they suggested lunch, so we headed out on a short walk to Faneuil Hall and Quincy Market. Mr. Boston had been dying to take me to Faneuil Hall all week and figured it would be the easiest way for everyone to get what they wanted to eat and then find a place outside to sit.

 

They decided that wasn't going to work for them and wanted a restaurant to sit down at. They chose Cheers. We found it, we sat, and it was pretty awkward. The Ex Husband made some attempt to talk to KBug but wasn't all that successful. When the only topics you have to talk about are school, fishing, pigs and chickens you aren't going to hold the interest of a 7-year-old for very long. And talking about fishing wasn't the best idea because it only reminded her that she would get to go fishing that evening when we went back to the campgrounds.

 

After everyone had eaten and we paid our separate checks, KBug hopped up and told her father she was ready to leave now so she could go fishing at the campground. Mr. Boston and I hadn't made any mention of leaving to her, so I was surprised when she said she was ready to go. Children know when they've reached their limits, and I guess that was her way of saying she had reached hers and didn't want to spend anymore time with him.

 

So we left the restaurant, she gave him something resembling a hug and we were on our way.

 

She made no mention of seeing him again for the duration of our trip. I had her write about something we did every day in a notebook, with a space for writing and a space for pictures, so she can have it to remember our summer, and he didn't even make it into that. I think that speaks volumes.

 

Anyways. That was our day at the New England Aquarium. And, like every other day, of course I took an abundance of pictures.

 

Excited for the aquarium!

Stingray tank

I love her so much!

She pulled  Mr. Boston's hand and dragged him to almost every exhibit

 

Jellyfish!

More jellyfish!

Since being home, KBug has only mentioned seeing her father once, as she was looking at the aquarium pictures with Gramma. Gramma had asked her if anything else happened at the aquarium and she shrugged and said her Daddy was there. She then told Gramma he was boring. I think that about covers it.

 

If you haven't read about our previous Boston adventures, you can read all about the Museum of Science, the Children's Museum, 4th of July, and Canoe River Campground by following the links.

 

Next stop: Franklin Park Zoo

Is A Compromise Possible?

I sent a letter to the Ex Husband the other day. And I decided to send it two ways. It could have been really easy if I had an email address for him. But (1) I'm not sure if he has one, and (2) I know he wouldn't give it to me if he did.

How do I know that he wouldn't give it to me? Well because according to them I am the worst person in the world and I would abuse the privilege of having his email address. I have nothing better to do with my time, right? All I do is sit around and pine for my ex husband and wish that he would come back to me? Ha! Not a chance.

Anyways. So I sent this letter. I sent it through snail mail and I sent it through Facebook. But the Ex Husband doesn't use his Facebook account as far as I know, so I sent it in a message to his GF. I figured why not? As long as he sees it some way or another, I don't care how it gets to him. Communication has always been an issue between us and I didn't want to risk a phone call because that usually ends up with both of us frustrated, raised voices and it's just never good.

Now I think this was a reasonable letter. I think I am being reasonable in my requests and I am hopeful that he will work with me to make this as simple as possible for everyone.

What were my requests? That the Skype calls between him and KBug happen consistently. And that they happen always on the same day of the week, at the same time.

I gave him some things to think about. I asked him to choose the frequency of these calls, whether it be weekly or bi-weekly, and I gave him the opportunity to choose the day of the week.

I don't want to dictate anything. I don't want to control every little thing. But we need to find a way to compromise and find what works best for all of us. I understand that he has a family- I have a family, too. I understand that he and his GF both have work schedules to be considered- I have a work schedule to be considered, as well.

My work schedule is going to be crazy this year. There are certain days of the week that do not work for us, and I told him as much in the letter. I suggested a time that would work best for KBug and I, but I am open to a new time suggestion should he need a change.

Will he be willing to compromise with me and find a solution? I can't say. At this point all I know is that he read the letter and I was told he wanted to think about it for a few days. Honestly, I'm not sure what there is to think about, but I'm willing to let it go and wait.

I know that what I am asking may complicate their life. It will certainly complicate ours, too, because whatever night they choose will ultimately be a night that we cannot make plans. But I am willing to make that sacrifice. Whether or not they are, I can't say. I have to wait to hear from them.

I'm hopeful that he will be understanding of the fact that I need to set a routine for KBug and I this year. She will be in second grade, with more homework and projects, with at least one extra-curricular activity. I am teaching five grade levels of religion this year, as well as teaching middle school faith formation on Sunday evenings. On top of that I am in charge of the cheer team, training for a half marathon and finishing my degree. Chaos is what our lives could be. Chaos is what I am trying to avoid.

The only way that I can see to avoid chaos is to have a specific routine. We need a schedule. We need to know what is going on at any specific moment and what is happening next. Maybe it's not the fun way to live life, but it is the only way I can see for us to make it through this year.

I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens. Is he willing to compromise and work with me to continue calls with KBug? Or is he perfectly content to give up his communication with her?

Only time will tell.

Canoe River Campground [Boston]

After our 4th of July adventures, we all slept soundly and slept in. Well Mr. Boston and I slept in until about 7:30. KBug slept until almost 9:30. It was pretty awesome except for the fact that she was sleeping and I couldn't fold laundry or pack anything until she woke up. All that meant was a late start to our camping adventure, but it all worked out in the end!

As soon as we decided we were going up to Boston for vacation, Mr. Boston got all excited. We had talked about going camping before and he thought we should go while we were up there. And he knew exactly where we could go camping and immediately set to booking us a site.

He chose a place called Canoe River Campground. When he was growing up his parents would take him and his 6 brothers to Canoe River to camp every summer. They would run and play, swim and fish and earn $.25 each time they filled up the firewood bins at the front of the grounds! He loved it as a kid and wanted so badly to take us there for a couple of nights.

So it was set. We reserved our site and purchased all of the necessary items for camping. Like a tent. And fishing poles for Mr. Boston and KBug.

We finally made it to the campgrounds around noon and checked in. Once we were all checked in, we drove around, located our site and pitched our tent! We were ready to go. Even KBug was having a blast and we hadn't even done anything yet! She loved the site because we had our own picnic table, a giant rock for her to sit on and a small shaded area which she named her "Little Shady Spot".

KBug's side of the tent had a corner for her puppy and his kennel

Our giant rock

After we assembled the tent!

KBug made a dragonfly friend!

After organizing our site, unloading the suitcase from the car and allowing enough time for KBug to set up "her side" of the tent, it was crazy hot and time for a swim! So off to the pool we went! KBug initially wanted to swim in the pond, but decided against it when she saw how yucky it looked and read the sign that said she wasn't allowed to. The pool area was great. Conveniently located by the snack bar, with a kids pool that only went up to 3 feet and an adult pool that went up to 10ft. KBug wanted to go in the big pool, but was careful to stay where she felt safe in the more shallow end. Mr. Boston and I had a great time chasing her around again, but it got difficult when the pool got really crowded so we headed back to the site to grab the fishing poles!

 

Once we had the poles and bait, we found a bench to sit on so KBug and Mr. Boston could fish. I've never been a big fan of fishing, I usually find it boring, but it was really fun with these two! KBug had a blast with the new Princess fishing rod we bought her and got so excited when she almost caught a turtle. But the turtle and the fish were smart and knew how to steal the worms without getting caught.

That evening we were joined by one of Mr. Boston's brothers and his family. We had met them briefly earlier in the week but I was able to get to know them a little more and KBug got to spend time with their almost 4-year-old son! He is seriously one of the most adorable little boys I have ever met and he adored KBug from the start! Being the big girl that she is, KBug played with him but wasn't so sure about him walking around saying she was his wife and telling everyone he loved her...

The best part of the day, though? BINGO! KBug has played variations of BINGO at school, but never real BINGO so she was excited to see how it worked. I was kind of worried that she would find it boring but she got so competitive and had a wonderful time finding the numbers on all of our cards. It was awesome to see her having so much fun, and she was thrilled to be chosen to pick the winning raffle ticket!

After our long day, we headed back to the site about 9:30. We put our pajamas on, crawled in and crashed. KBug was out pretty quickly and she was out like a light! She'd had a very busy day and was excited to go to the New England Aquarium the next morning!

At that point, I hadn't told her yet that her father was meeting us at the aquarium...