Tired. All. The. Time.

Life is still ridiculously crazy. I honestly feel like I haven't stopped for weeks or months or years. It's starting to catch up to me in a big way.

I'm exhausted by the end of the day. But it's not exhaustion that causes me to sleep. I'm exhausted some nights to the point that I can't get to sleep at a reasonable hour. Like the other night when I couldn't get to sleep until after the Patriot's game ended, which was after midnight. Seriously!? I'm not even a Patriots fan! But I could not for the life of me fall asleep.

But then there are nights where I lay down at 8 and I'm asleep within ten minutes. It's ridiculous! I can't afford to be asleep that early in the evening! I have chapters to read for school and papers to grade for work and I am currently winging it this week, making up lesson plans as I go because I haven't sat down to write them down. I know what I want to do, I just haven't found two minutes to sit down and put it in my planner to turn in to the principal. Crazy!

This week they are doing IOWA testing at school which means that my class schedule is all out of whack this week. Honestly, this is actually a blessing for me because I don't have classes until the afternoons. I still have to be at work at 9:30, though, so I've got a lot of down time. Except it's not down time. No, no, no, no, no..... This is my catch up time! I literally spent over 3 hours catching up on grading papers and figuring out which students have missing assignments and tracking down why student X is failing and adding in Extra Credit points that 7th and 8th grade earned. It was exhausting in it's own way!

Pat and I are trying to figure out where we stand financially. Tallying up money and then looking at the bills we both have to pay? Not my idea of a fun evening. And it gets really frustrating after a while because you just want the numbers to all magically work. Seriously, I know they work. I just haven't figured out how to make them work because our pay schedules are totally different and we are both trying to save for the wedding and it's just insanity. And, again, exhausting in it's own way.

Oh, and we can't forget my schoolwork. It seems to be never-ending, but in reality, the end is actually in sight! I only have 4 classes left until graduation! The catch? Two of those classes are major, MAJOR exams. One of them is only offered during three windows each year. So that basically means that if I don't pass it when I take it mid-November, I can't take it again until March. Of course that adds to the stress level. And adding to my stress level just makes me what? Yup, you guessed it- tired. All. The. Time.

I will say that Pat and I have started going to the gym. We went three days last week which was seriously awesome. And we worked it out over the weekend so we can start going five days a week, Monday through Friday. And the weird part of it is that I'm NOT as tired after a long hard workout. How backwards is that!? I've just poured sweat and worked out for an hour and now I'm NOT tired?? I know that's how it's supposed to work and that it's a good thing but it's kind of annoying. I want to have that kind of energy at night when I'm looking at the 12 chapters of reading I need to do. Or when I'm staring at the 65 assignments I have to grade. Or when I'm looking at all of the wedding papers spread out across my desk trying to figure out what to check off of the to-do list next. Or when I'm sitting at my computer thinking that I really want to write a blog.

But when it comes down to it?

I'm just too tired.

 

I've spent a lot of time lately contemplating how tired I am and evaluating how much further I can run myself into the ground. I honestly don't remember being this tired ever before in my life. Not when I was a teenager. Not when I was pregnant. Not when I was waking up every three hours with Kaley for the first 8 months of her life. Not when I became a single parent.

 

And I'm sitting here trying to figure out where I can step back from the things I have going on. The reality, though, is that I can't step back from anything. I'm committed to teaching and I'm loving every exhausting second of it. I'm committed to finishing my degree and I am so close to having it in hand that I can't stop now. And there's no way I'm putting wedding planning on hold because I just can't wait to marry the man of my dreams.

 

So I guess I've come to realize that I'm just going to be tired.

 

And hopefully I can keep myself together enough to not get cranky with everyone around me.

 

But maybe I should hope that they love me enough to put up with me when I do get cranky...?

First Day of School

Things I Learned from KBug's First Day of School:

1. She's going to be just fine.
2. It's going to be just like last year. Any questions asked about the school day will likely be answered with one, possibly two, words.
3. Her favorite place to spend her time after school is still under Gramma's desk in the computer lab.
4. I'm never going to be "Ms. P____" to KBug's friends. I'm "K_____'s Mom". Forever.
5. Nothing trumps playing on Mommy's cell phone.

Things I Learned from My First Day of School:

1. I'm going to be just fine. As long as I remember to give all handouts to the principal for approval at least 24 hours in advance so each student has one in hand when we discuss them in class.
2. 8th grade is going to be the hardest class to contain because they still haven't figured out how to not talk continuously. I love them, though.
3. 6th grade is super quiet. But it was the first day of school and they still have plenty of time to find their voices before the year is up.
4. My middle school students are far more interested in my upcoming wedding than I think is necessary.
5. The memories of my 7th and 8th grade students do not reach back a full year. I used something one of them said at the beginning of last year and no one could remember who said it. But it was still effective and worked well. Go me!

Conclusion:

1. I might actually make an impact on these kids.
2. Middle school students are still a lot like preschoolers, just in larger bodies.
3. These kids are going to keep me on my toes.
4. I have a lot of work ahead of me.
5. My job is awesome and I am so happy that I found this school for KBug 4 years ago!

I Survived A Year As A Middle School Teacher

Today is my last day teaching my middle school students.

 

It's very sad for me to say that. Why? Because I love my students. And there are no guarantees I will have a position within the school next year. I am hoping that I will because I love working there and the position I applied for would work well with my home life, as well as my hope of completing a masters degree next year. But, if it isn't God's will, then I will find another path and end up where he intends for me to be.

I need to leave it all in His hands.

Homework This Week [KBug's and Mine]

So after spending the majority of my day working on this marketing paper I am very ready for this marketing paper to just be done and over already. Honestly, it's not that hard. But it's time consuming. And it's annoying. And I'm not even a Marketing student.

I understand why it would be important for me to have knowledge of the concepts of marketing and promotion. But why do I have to write an entire marketing plan? Wouldn't my time be better spent studying for me HUGE Human Resources exam I have to take in just two months time? Well, one would think. But nooooo.... Marketing plan first.

I Did It!

I feel like I can finally breathe again. It's amazing how much stress one person can carry without realizing it. And it's especially amazing when that person is me and I finally figure it out once the stressor is removed.

Those of you who read My Test Anxiety and KBug Do Not Mix last night know that I had a huge exam for my Marketing course today. You also know about my test anxiety, the additional stress from my mentor and how I realized it was affecting KBug.

Well all of that is in the past.

I passed my test!

My Test Anxiety and KBug Do Not Mix

So it's been a very stressful few days. I have spent the majority of my time studying for my Marketing exam. Which is tomorrow.

I've written before about my test anxiety. But it's ten times worse for this particular exam. I think part of it is that it's worth 6 credits instead of the typical 3 credits. And I think another part is that I have to pass this test by May 31st. And another part is that I really want to pass because I want to have time to finish another course before the end of my term.

But it's mostly because my mentor has been freaking me out about it.

Time to Get Caught Up

This past week was our Spring Break. But it definitely wasn't much of a "break". We had something going on every day. And it wasn't anything like "hey, let's go to the beach" or "maybe we could go shopping". No. That wasn't it at all.

We cleaned.

The attic.

The storage unit.

The garage.

The house.

KBug's bedroom.

The backyard.

All Cleaned Out and Moving Forward

Here are some pictures from my cleaning adventures over the past couple of days.

This is a picture of my garage about halfway through the cleaning process.

I should have taken a real before picture, but I didn't think about it.....

 

The Perfect Balance [Coffee and Conversation]

Earlier this evening I was going through my Reading List on my Blogger homepage and one particular post caught my eye. It was Coffee and Conversation #5 [Struggles in Blog Life]. This post is on a blog called Love. Laughter. Happily Ever After. and is one of my more recent discoveries. This blog is written by a young woman who tells about her life as a newlywed. She doesn't run her blog to make money, but rather to give others an understanding of her life and the life she shares with her husband. It is very personal to her, and her post was absolutely inspiring. So, thank you, Kalyn, for writing such a beautiful post and motivating me to really evaluate my biggest struggle in life right now.

It's the Future in One Time Zone, and the Past in Another

It's been a while since I last wrote a blog, so it's time for some updates!

First off can I just tell you all how much I really do not like time zones? And there are a number of reasons. Let's start with this one. Most of my family lives on the other side of the country. Which means that they are either two or three hours behind me in their day. So, lets say that I wake up early and realize I want to talk to my mom about something?

A Theatrical Cast

This is definitely not the first blog I've ever started. I have written many posts under a number of different blogs. But this is the first one that I really feel is going to be different. I may not post all that often, but I will post what is on my mind. I won't guard things for fear of offending others. I won't keep things to myself as much. I will be open and honest and love my writing because that is really what you're supposed to do. You should write what you feel. So, here I go with what is on my mind right now.