New England Aquarium [Boston]

I guess it's that time. Time to write about our trip to the New England Aquarium. But this wasn't an easy trip like the past few days had been. Why?

Because KBug's father met us there.

 

I didn't receive confirmation from the Ex Husband that he and his family would be joining us until the afternoon before. Naturally I hadn't told her that he would be joining us yet because I didn't want to get her hopes up and then have him disappoint her as he has countless times before. I didn't think that would be fair to her. She has had so much emotional upset in her life because of her father that I didn't want to cause an additional upset if there was no reason.

 

So Mr. Boston, KBug and I got up that morning, drove into Boston and found the parking garage. ($35 for parking. Ouch!) Once we parked the car, we put what we needed in our little backpack (wallets, phones, band-aids, etc.) and I held KBug for a minute while I told her about the day.

 

I told her that her father and his family were coming to join us and was met with a sort of blank stare. She found her voice and repeated it, after which she said "OK, can we go in now?"

 

So far so good.

 

Off we went to wait in line for tickets. If I had been smart I would have thought to reserve them online ahead of time, but I wasn't that smart. Oh well. It only took us about ten minutes to get through the line, pay for our tickets and have our picture taken before entering the aquarium.

 

Rather than standing around with a KBug who couldn't wait to go into the aquarium, Mr. Boston and I decided to take her into the small section right off the entrance where you can pet the stingrays. She's always loved the open tanks where she can feel the stingrays as the swim by, so I thought it would be a good distraction. Especially since I had yet to hear from the Ex Husband.

 

After spending a few minutes in there, I finally got a text that said they were in line for tickets. OK, I told him where we were and we decided we would meet just inside the aquarium entrance. Not a problem. I took KBug to the restroom and we waited. And we waited. And we waited. KBug isn't good at waiting and she wasn't all that interested in waiting for Daddy, to be honest. She was more interested in me holding her and talking about what was in the aquarium that we might see.

 

Once they made it into the aquarium and over to us, the Ex Husband said hi to KBug and she just sort of stared at him. Like I said before, she wasn't very interested. After bathroom trips for their family, KBug got slightly more comfortable and started up a conversation with their 3.5-year-old son and tried to talk with their 1.5-year-old daughter.

 

Then we headed into the aquarium. We sort of stuck together as a group, going to see the Seal show outside and venturing around the first floor. But once we started moving up around the giant tank in the center of the aquarium, we weren't really a group anymore.

 

KBug has always loved aquariums. But she wants to see everything. So she doesn't stay in one spot for very long. Basically she was constantly on the move, to the point where getting pictures of her was a little bit difficult because she didn't want to stand still. I managed, though.

 

We stayed together in something resembling a group through the second floor. But KBug had missed the jellyfish and I wanted to be sure she saw them. So I pulled her away, mentioned I was taking her to see the jellyfish and we went down to the tank.

 

By the time I turned around, they were gone. Mr. Boston, KBug and I thought we would move up to the next level to see if we could find them. Well, we couldn't. KBug was anxious to keep looking and was calling continuously to Mr. Boston and I to come see the tanks, so we moved on figuring we would run into them soon.

 

A few minutes later I received a text asking where we were. I told them we were on the third floor. They asked if we weren't a group anymore and I explained that I had taken her to see the jellyfish and they were gone when I turned around. They responded that they were at the top floor. I said we would be there soon.

 

We finished up half of the third floor and made our way up to the top. It took us a minute to locate them once we were up there, and by the time we did they were heading back downstairs. Awesome. I let KBug look around and then we headed down to meet them.

 

Their children were hot and hungry and getting a little cranky so they wanted to take them downstairs and move towards leaving. KBug wanted to see the other half of the third floor. So they went down, and we kept looking.

 

Eventually we found them downstairs. The Ex Husband had taken their son to see the stingrays and such, and KBug wanted to see them again so in we went. Apparently we had missed a lower level while we were in there earlier, so down to the lower level we went. It worked out awesome for me because they had more jellyfish down there and that's my favorite exhibit at aquariums, and KBug was able to experience a few more touch tanks.

 

After that we hit up the gift shop, made our purchases and left the aquarium. At that point they suggested lunch, so we headed out on a short walk to Faneuil Hall and Quincy Market. Mr. Boston had been dying to take me to Faneuil Hall all week and figured it would be the easiest way for everyone to get what they wanted to eat and then find a place outside to sit.

 

They decided that wasn't going to work for them and wanted a restaurant to sit down at. They chose Cheers. We found it, we sat, and it was pretty awkward. The Ex Husband made some attempt to talk to KBug but wasn't all that successful. When the only topics you have to talk about are school, fishing, pigs and chickens you aren't going to hold the interest of a 7-year-old for very long. And talking about fishing wasn't the best idea because it only reminded her that she would get to go fishing that evening when we went back to the campgrounds.

 

After everyone had eaten and we paid our separate checks, KBug hopped up and told her father she was ready to leave now so she could go fishing at the campground. Mr. Boston and I hadn't made any mention of leaving to her, so I was surprised when she said she was ready to go. Children know when they've reached their limits, and I guess that was her way of saying she had reached hers and didn't want to spend anymore time with him.

 

So we left the restaurant, she gave him something resembling a hug and we were on our way.

 

She made no mention of seeing him again for the duration of our trip. I had her write about something we did every day in a notebook, with a space for writing and a space for pictures, so she can have it to remember our summer, and he didn't even make it into that. I think that speaks volumes.

 

Anyways. That was our day at the New England Aquarium. And, like every other day, of course I took an abundance of pictures.

 

Excited for the aquarium!

Stingray tank

I love her so much!

She pulled  Mr. Boston's hand and dragged him to almost every exhibit

 

Jellyfish!

More jellyfish!

Since being home, KBug has only mentioned seeing her father once, as she was looking at the aquarium pictures with Gramma. Gramma had asked her if anything else happened at the aquarium and she shrugged and said her Daddy was there. She then told Gramma he was boring. I think that about covers it.

 

If you haven't read about our previous Boston adventures, you can read all about the Museum of Science, the Children's Museum, 4th of July, and Canoe River Campground by following the links.

 

Next stop: Franklin Park Zoo

Is A Compromise Possible?

I sent a letter to the Ex Husband the other day. And I decided to send it two ways. It could have been really easy if I had an email address for him. But (1) I'm not sure if he has one, and (2) I know he wouldn't give it to me if he did.

How do I know that he wouldn't give it to me? Well because according to them I am the worst person in the world and I would abuse the privilege of having his email address. I have nothing better to do with my time, right? All I do is sit around and pine for my ex husband and wish that he would come back to me? Ha! Not a chance.

Anyways. So I sent this letter. I sent it through snail mail and I sent it through Facebook. But the Ex Husband doesn't use his Facebook account as far as I know, so I sent it in a message to his GF. I figured why not? As long as he sees it some way or another, I don't care how it gets to him. Communication has always been an issue between us and I didn't want to risk a phone call because that usually ends up with both of us frustrated, raised voices and it's just never good.

Now I think this was a reasonable letter. I think I am being reasonable in my requests and I am hopeful that he will work with me to make this as simple as possible for everyone.

What were my requests? That the Skype calls between him and KBug happen consistently. And that they happen always on the same day of the week, at the same time.

I gave him some things to think about. I asked him to choose the frequency of these calls, whether it be weekly or bi-weekly, and I gave him the opportunity to choose the day of the week.

I don't want to dictate anything. I don't want to control every little thing. But we need to find a way to compromise and find what works best for all of us. I understand that he has a family- I have a family, too. I understand that he and his GF both have work schedules to be considered- I have a work schedule to be considered, as well.

My work schedule is going to be crazy this year. There are certain days of the week that do not work for us, and I told him as much in the letter. I suggested a time that would work best for KBug and I, but I am open to a new time suggestion should he need a change.

Will he be willing to compromise with me and find a solution? I can't say. At this point all I know is that he read the letter and I was told he wanted to think about it for a few days. Honestly, I'm not sure what there is to think about, but I'm willing to let it go and wait.

I know that what I am asking may complicate their life. It will certainly complicate ours, too, because whatever night they choose will ultimately be a night that we cannot make plans. But I am willing to make that sacrifice. Whether or not they are, I can't say. I have to wait to hear from them.

I'm hopeful that he will be understanding of the fact that I need to set a routine for KBug and I this year. She will be in second grade, with more homework and projects, with at least one extra-curricular activity. I am teaching five grade levels of religion this year, as well as teaching middle school faith formation on Sunday evenings. On top of that I am in charge of the cheer team, training for a half marathon and finishing my degree. Chaos is what our lives could be. Chaos is what I am trying to avoid.

The only way that I can see to avoid chaos is to have a specific routine. We need a schedule. We need to know what is going on at any specific moment and what is happening next. Maybe it's not the fun way to live life, but it is the only way I can see for us to make it through this year.

I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens. Is he willing to compromise and work with me to continue calls with KBug? Or is he perfectly content to give up his communication with her?

Only time will tell.

Just A Little Bit of Help Goes a Long Way

Good morning everyone! We are back from our vacation and we are all so happy to be home!

Mr. Boston, KBug and  I had a fabulous trip up to Boston, and I have tons of pictures to show everyone, but I'm not quite ready to do that just yet. So, in the meantime, I want to sit here and tell you all about how absolutely amazing Mr. Boston was on this trip.

Now, when I say "absolutely amazing", I truly mean it. I've taken vacations before, I've been on trips here and there with people before. Let me tell you, taking a vacation is often more work than just staying home. There's always places to go, people to see, things to do. And then there's the packing before, and the unpacking afterwards. And the money? Yeah, that all disappears fairly quickly, too.

And this trip was really no different.

Except I had help.
 

This may not seem like a huge thing, but- trust me- it is. I have spent so long being on my own and doing everything myself, especially when it comes to KBug, that it is often hard for me to ask for help. And I don't like to ask for help because I feel like that makes me dependent on someone else. And it's often hard for me to accept help when it's offered.

 

When Mr. Boston originally offered to help, we were in the process of packing. I had made my lists, I knew what we needed and I was ready to get to it. Except that I had seventeen thousand loads of laundry to run before I had everything. I swear all I did for the week before we left was laundry, laundry and more laundry. It was never ending. But once it was finally all done and I was starting to pack, Mr. Boston was right there with me. He sat down with my list, read it off to me and checked it all off as I put clothing and shoes into the suitcases. And if I needed something more from another room, he hopped up quick to grab it for me. And just that little bit of help made all the difference in the world.

 

I'm used to packing taking me several hours. Packing for this trip took me only one hour. And that was packing for all three of us. I was absolutely astounded by the difference it made, and how much less stressful it was for me just having someone sit there and read off a list.

 

The next morning I was working around the house, putting together our bags for in the car. You know, the bag with all the items necessary to keep a seven-year-old occupied during a road trip. It took quite some time to pull everything together, but I wasn't too worried about it. After all, Mr. Boston was there to help and he was! He cleaned out the car and packed it full of all the bags I had already packed, and continued to organize and fill the car as I finished packing more bags. I was standing there looking at the packed car thinking "Isn't this supposed to be my job?" And he's just standing there, waiting for me to get in because we are ready to hit the road!

 

When we made it to his Aunt's home outside of Boston, he was still more than willing to help me out. We brought in the suitcases together. He made sure that KBug and I had everything we needed to take a shower and get ready for the day. Mr. Boston was totally attentive to our needs, and put them above his own. It was so sweet.

 

The rest of the week continued like that. We spent a day at the Museum of Science, and another at the Boston Children's Museum, and he helped me out with KBug. If she was getting restless while waiting for something or she wouldn't listen to me when I was asking her to do something, he would get her attention and ask her to listen for just a minute. And it was like magic. Maybe I should be worried that she listens so well to him? But I think for now I'll just enjoy it because it's helping her to focus more and in the end we are all ending up much happier than we could have been.

 

Friday morning we were getting ready to leave his Aunt's house to head to the campground. This brought on the first meltdown of the trip. And it wasn't KBug or Mr. Boston. It was me. And it wasn't really a meltdown so much as it was just a bit of frustration that I wasn't sure how to address. We had started our laundry the night before and I was waiting for the last of it to dry. While I was waiting, I was folding and packing the laundry that was already finished. Not a big deal. Except that KBug was seriously cranky that morning and wouldn't listen to me for anything.

 

During this whole experience, Mr. Boston was out on the front porch talking with his family. I didn't want to bother him while he was with his family because I know it's important to him. And it's important to me that he spend time with them. So I was trying to let it go. I was doing my best to deal with KBug on one side and fold and pack laundry on the other. It was definitely not an easy task.

 

After a while he came inside and he immediately knew something was wrong. I just couldn't hide it from him. And I think he was glad that I couldn't because he was more than willing to help. He told me he wanted to help and asked me what I needed to do. As soon as I let it out and told him, he was moving suitcases, taking KBug out to play and helping me out. He told me I should have just come out and asked and I told him why I didn't. He understood, but also told me that I was important and that I need to remember that he is here for me whenever I need him.

 

Later that day at the campgrounds, Mr. Boston took KBug fishing. She used to go fishing with the Ex Husband when he saw her, but it's been years and she's been asking me for a new fishing pole. I am not into fishing. Not one bit. But Mr. Boston took us to the store, bought her the Princess Fishing Pole she wanted and took her out to the pond. It was probably the sweetest thing I have ever seen watching him re-teach her how to bait her hook and cast her line. Adorable!

 

Now, here's where I really am completely blown away by the open-mind and huge heart Mr. Boston has. He absolutely adores KBug. He treats her as though she is his little princess and gives her all the love a little girl could possibly need. It's so wonderful to watch them together and I love him more for loving my baby girl. But he also understands that KBug has a father. Sure, Mr. Boston knows the history, he knows what's going on currently and he was aware of the fact that KBug hadn't seen her father in 3 and a half years. But he also understood that it was important for me to tell KBug's father that we were going to be up in Boston and invite him to come see her.

 

He isn't trying to take KBug's father's place, and I think that makes a huge difference in our relationship, as well as the relationship he has with KBug. Sure, he may treat her as though she's his own, but he knows she has a father and he isn't trying to be a father to her. Just a strong male role model.

 

Well, Mr. Boston had the pleasure of meeting the Ex Husband, his GF and their two children at the aquarium in Boston this past Saturday. And he was so easy-going about it. He didn't act any differently around KBug, because there was no reason for him to. He still hugged her, pointed things out to her and followed her around wherever she went. And I couldn't have asked for anything more.

 

It was a real eye-opener to see how he was with her versus how her father was with her. I'll get around to writing about that at another time, I promise. But for now, just now that Mr. Boston was more fatherly to KBug during that trip than the Ex Husband was.

 

Moving on. I woke up on Sunday with a terrible cold. It was dreadful. But I toughed it out knowing we had a full day at the Zoo, followed by a long drive to Philadelphia. By the end of our jaunt at the zoo, though, I was seriously exhausted. Mr. Boston helped me out again by setting up the DVD player for KBug and urging me to just go to sleep. So I did. And I slept for the majority of the six hour drive to Philadelphia, waking only to drive the last 45 minutes when he was so exhausted he couldn't hardly keep his eyes open. By that point I was beginning to feel better and was more awake than I had been earlier in the day so it was an easy drive for me.

 

We were only supposed to stay one night in Philadelphia, but I was still feeling so awful when we woke up Monday morning that we decided to stay an extra night so Mr. Boston wouldn't have to drive the entire way after an exhausting day touring the city. And he helped me out again that night by going with me to enjoy dinner with some old friends and then run laundry back at the hotel. Who would have thought that having help switching around laundry loads would make me feel so much better about everything? I certainly didn't!

 

The next morning we were packed and back on the road. Mr. Boston started the drive and we switched about half way through. A few hours later he was feeling more rested and just ready to get home so we switched back. And by the time we made it home he was still being helpful! He helped me unload the car, locate souvenirs, show pictures to Gramma and PJP and get KBug settled down.

 

Maybe this isn't much in the grand scheme of things, but in my life, Mr. Boston made a huge difference this past week and a half. Just being there was soothing to me, but he took it a step further and actually helped me out. He made a massive difference in the amount of stress I carried just by offering to do the little things I am so used to having to do on my own.

 

I have to say that this was the most restful vacation I have experienced since I have been a mother. Sure, I still had KBug to entertain every second of every day and we had our week packed full with things to do. But I also had my Mr. Boston. And he helped me hold it together and made it possible for me to fully enjoy our vacation.

 

It is truly amazing how just a little help can go a long way.

 

And we are so blessed to have such a wonderful man in our lives.

 

"Real" Single Mom?

Today is Tuesday. And today being Tuesday, and the end of the day, means I have officially survived seven full days without my Gramma in the house. And that, my wonderful friends, means that I've actually survived running this household on my own for an entire week.

I have been told on numerous occasions that I'm not a "real" single mom because I live with a family member and I don't pay rent. Well, true, I live with my Gramma and I don't have to pay rent to her. But I do pay for all of my own groceries, covering myself, KBug and PJP. I also pay my own car bill and KBug's tuition for school. Neither of those were easy to do this past year while I was only working 5-10 hours per week in order to get further ahead in my studies so I can graduate this fall. But I never missed a payment.

It's The Little Things In Life That Become The Big Things

I've been thinking a lot lately about being a mother and what it means to me. And I decided that I would write about it because, well, that's just what I do. I came to realize that, overall, being a mother to me is taking care to pay attention to the little things. It's no secret that the little things in life all add up to be the big things. And, in my life, the big thing is happiness. All of these little things that KBug and I share have come together to bring us a life full of happiness and I think that is so incredibly important.

Single Mama Troubles [four]:: Being Daddy

Today is Father's Day. And I have had several people wish me a Happy Father's Day. Now, this is endlessly confusing to KBug because, obviously, I'm not her father. I tried to explain it to her, and I think she got it. Sort of...

Look on the Bright Side! And Snap a Photo While You're At It!

So I know that there can be a lot of "downsides" to being a single parent. I've spent some time writing about them in my Single Mama Troubles series which you can read by following these links: one - two - three.  And these "downsides" can make life as a single parent very difficult to navigate at times. In the end, of course, these "downsides" are always worth it because you have a happy, healthy child whom you love more than life itself.

And let me be clear. There are very good things about being a single parent. And one of my favorites is being the one who gets all of the best photo ops!

Single Mama Troubles [three]:: Child Support

Alright, let's talk about this. All of us strong, beautiful, hard-working, selfless, respectable single mamas (and daddy's) out there have problems with it. There's really just no getting around it, no matter how everything goes down.

Single Mama Troubles [two]:: "Me" Time

So I wrote a while back about one of the things I have had the most trouble with being a single parent. I wrote about the difficulty of making friends. You can read about it here.

Today I want to write about another area I struggle with as a single parent, and I know many other single parents struggle with, too. Today I want to write about having "me" time.

"I Don't Want To Talk To Daddy Today"

I have had a few posts running through my head over the course of the last few days. And I'm still sitting here debating what to write about. Sometimes I have so much going on in my head that it's hard to really pin point one thing to focus on. But for now I think I will focus on KBug's Skype call with her father last week.

I wrote briefly that KBug wasn't enthusiastic about a call with her father last Wednesday. I had told her earlier in the afternoon that the call was set up and she just told me she didn't want to talk him that day.

Ok, we'll talk about it again later.

Single Mama Troubles [one]:: On Making Friends

The title of this blog is "Musings of a Single Mama". Yet I feel like I don't spend much time writing about being a single mama. So I think it's high time I start.

I've been a single mama for some time now. Actually, I've been raising KBug alone for a little over 5 years now.

That's a scary thought.....

ADHD. It's Real, People.

When I was 16 years old, I got married.

 

When I was 16 years old, I had a baby.

 

When I was 19 years old, I got divorced.

 

When I was 21 years old, I became the single mother of a diagnosed special needs child.

 

Single Mama Moment

KBug has been having a lot of trouble going to bed at night for the past several weeks. She's big on the "I don't want to go to bed", but lately it's not just a matter of whether she wants to or not. It's like she can't calm herself enough to lay down and go to sleep. Her brain just isn't shutting off and letting her rest.

What's In A Name?

So I started my day this morning at 5:15am, working on 3 hours of sleep. Trust me, I did not want to get out of bed for anything. But I did it. And I got ready, made breakfast, snack and lunch for KBug, made lunch for me, got KBug dressed and ready for school, woke up PJP and headed out the door at 7:15.

Without my lunch.

Without KBug's glasses.

Without PJP having brushed his teeth.

(seriously, I don't feel like I should have to remind an 18 year old to brush his teeth...but apparently I do...)

 

What's Your Super Power?

So everyone knows I'm a single mother. It's kind of evident from the name of this blog, I would think. And I want to talk about being a single mother.

I have been a single mother since early 2008 when the Ex-Husband and I split up. There are a number of reasons behind our split, and I feel it was the absolute best decision I could have ever made for KBug and I. She didn't need to grow up in a home where her parents fought all the time and hardly ever agreed on anything. She didn't need to grow up in a home where her father wasn't dedicated to being the best Daddy he could be because he was more interested in the beer bottle in his hand. She didn't need to grow up in a home where she was surrounded by negativity and tension.