"I'm only one call away.
I'll be there to save the day.
Superman got nothing on me.
I'm only one call away."
-One Call Away by Charlie Puth
The past month and a half has been a struggle for me. If you've been following along on Facebook or Instagram you may have noticed a difference in my regular posts.
The photos I've shared have been about a variety of things. I've shared photos about emotional abuse. I've shared photos about pain. I've shared photos about strength. And all of these posts have been purposeful.
Maybe some of you have seen them and thought I was posting in support of a movement. Or perhaps in support of a friend who is going through a difficult time.
I'm not.
I'm posting them for myself. I am the one going through the difficult time. I am the one who has been experiencing emotional abuse. I am the one who has been in pain. I am the one who is digging as deep as she can inside herself to find every last bit of strength she can and put it to use just to get through the day.
I'm struggling. Every day. Getting out of bed, going to work. putting a smile on my face for my daughter and for my coworkers. It isn't easy. It takes more effort than I care to admit. And by the end of each day I am utterly exhausted.
But then I can't sleep. So I am up until all hours of the night, surfing Facebook, reading books, scrolling through Instagram, thinking.
It's the thinking that gets me. It gets me every damn time. Thinking about what I envisioned for my future. Thinking about what I wanted for myself, for my daughter, for our life. Thinking about the path I believed I was on. Thinking about the trust I put in another person only to have it thrown in my face. Thinking about the lies and the deceit. Thinking about the pain caused by someone who said they loved me. The pain caused by someone who has told me they knew all along how deeply they had been hurting me... and they did it anyways.
And then I take the time while I should be sleeping to try and think more positively. To find hope and strength. To find compassion in my heart. To find healing and discover the depths of my ability to forgive. To feel worthy and to feel loved. To know that I can overcome all of the negativity I have experienced for so many months.
It's a struggle. Every day is a struggle.
But you know what?
I'm going to make it.
Over the past several weeks I have come to lean on my family and a few close friends for support. They have been there for me in ways I never could have imagined. And they have been there for me in ways I'm sure they don't even know they have been.
I feel so incredibly blessed to have these people in my life. So blessed to be able to call them my family and friends. So blessed to have relationships in my life that help me to feel worthy and loved. So blessed to have people who believe in me and who would do anything to support me. So blessed to have family and friends who are just one call away.
These friends and family members have been there for me in some of my worst times. They have seen me struggle. They have seen me fall. They have seen me stand back up again. They have seen me fail, and then seen me succeed. They have seen me settle for less than I deserve, in life and in love.
And they are here for me.
I am so incredibly thankful for the people in my life who are only one call away. I cannot begin to describe how much their kindness and generosity and love means to me. Words could never do justice what I feel in my heart for these people.
They know who they are. And it is my fondest hope that they will read these words and know how much I appreciate them being here for me in this time.
To all my friends and family who have shown me that they are just one call away, please know that I am forever thankful.
And remember that I, too, am only one call away.
