Chores: A Family Responsibility

Let's talk about chores.

I have never personally met anyone who actually enjoys doing chores. They aren't my favorite, they aren't my husband's favorite, and they definitely aren't my daughters favorite. If I had to guess, they probably aren't your favorite either.

Am I right? Or am I right?

However we may feel about chores, they are a part of life. If no one does the chores then we live in chaos. And I don't know about you, but I don't really want to live in a pig sty... Despite what my childhood bedroom may or may not have told you to the contrary...

Chores aren't fun. I hate doing the dishes. I hate sweeping the floors. I hate dusting the furniture. I hate cleaning the toilets. I hate giving the dogs baths and brushing their teeth. I don't really like chores. But they are a part of my every day life, regardless of how I feel about them.

My husband doesn't like chores. He doesn't like doing the dishes. He doesn't like doing the laundry. He doesn't like all of the things mentioned above. But, regardless of how he feels about them, they are a part of his life, too.

My daughter? She really doesn't like chores. She's nine years old and would rather be outside playing with her friends. Or playing with her Legos. Or watching Netflix. Or reading a book. Because who really wants to put their laundry away when they could be down the block on their bike?

Now I will be the first to say that my daughter doesn't have much to do in the way of chores. Of course she is responsible for clearing her dishes from the table after she's eaten, cleaning up her toys in her room and making sure the floor down her hallway is kept clear for people to walk. But I don't really consider those to be chores.

Kaley's "chores" are putting away her laundry, taking out the recycles and cleaning up the yard after the dogs. Those few things have been her chores for over three years now.

This past week, it was brought to my attention that maybe Kaley shouldn't be responsible for cleaning up after the dogs. People have said it shouldn't be her responsibility for reasons like they aren't her dogs, her step dad is home all day and it's just gross.

Sure, dog poop is pretty disgusting. No one wants to deal with it. But in our home they are her responsibility.

Yeah, her step dad is home all day. But he's also had nine spine surgeries and when they implanted the spinal cord stimulator in the summer of 2014 he was told that bending over could pull the wires out of the device and render it useless.

No, none of the dogs are really "labeled" as being "Kaley's dog". Why is this? Because we have asked her to show that she is responsible enough to take care of a dog. And she hasn't quite done that yet.

So, while we wait, two of the dogs remain "mine" and the other is a service dog for my husband.

But are we really in the wrong for expecting her to clean up the yard after the dogs?

And, let's be real- we live in South Carolina where it rains more days than it doesn't. So how often is she really out in the backyard cleaning up dog poop? Maybe once every three weeks when we've finally had four or five days without rain.

Maybe our understanding of things that should be a kids responsibility are out of line... Maybe we shouldn't expect our kids to do the same kinds of things we were expected to do as kids... Maybe kids are meant to live a life free of responsibility...

But not my kid. My child is expected to be a functional member of this family, with specific responsibilities to help our family be the best we can be. And if we all share the household responsibilities, even the ones we don't enjoy, then we will have more time to spend with one another and doing the things we love.

Because no one person should be responsible for everything if the home is meant to be happy.

The Child I'm Raising

I know this first post should probably be one that re-introduces myself and my family and talks about all of the things we've been up to for the past nearly two years... But it isn't going to be. I'll get around to that. I promise.

I was scrolling through my Facebook Newsfeed for probably the 52nd time today (because who doesn't spend at least 3 hours of their day stuck on Facebook!?) when a post caught my eye.

It was a link to an article that was titled Good Parenting Summed Up in 15+ Pictures. Since the title had my attention, I clicked on the link. Because we all click on at least 73.4 links on Facebook everyday, right?

As I looked through the pictures in this post, I began thinking about my own daughter. Some of these pictures reminded me of things she would do. For example, there is a picture of a little boy
helping" a bunny climb a wall. The bunny he's helping? It's part of a statue. But it was important to him that he be kind enough to "help" the bunny climb the wall to its' friends.

Things like what that little boy was doing are things that Kaley does. And up until I read it in black and white, I hadn't realized that it could be considered a sign of good parenting. I hadn't thought about it in those terms.

I've been the parent who has seen her daughter do those things and urged her to just continue on because she wasn't actually helping anything. I've been the parent who has seen her daughter do things like that and been frustrated by the fact that we were now running thirty seconds behind schedule. I've been the parent who witnessed her child crying because she couldn't follow the fire truck to see if her friends up the road were ok.

But I should have been thinking about how kind hearted my daughter was in those moments. I should have been seeing how warm and loving she was to those around her, even the animals she considers her friends. I should have been noticing how willing she was to lend a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on.

I shouldn't have been focused on the ten seconds we lost when she wanted to "talk" to the squirrel. I shouldn't have worried about the fact that she was "helping" or "feeding" an inanimate object. I shouldn't have told her she was being silly for these little things.

Those small little things my daughter does? I've never seen them for what they truly are- her gifts to the world around her. I've never considered that they were signs of good parenting. I've never thought of them as a symbol that while she may test my patience and drive me up the wall, she is a kind little girl with an open heart and mind.

I realize now that I have taught her well to appreciate the world around her. I have taught her well to be kind to others, even when you don't always agree. I have taught her well to be patient with children younger than her and to help when they ask. I have taught her well to live with a kind heart and an open mind.

I am proud of my daughter. I am proud of the young woman she is becoming. I am proud of the child I have raised, and I look forward to the rest of the days I have left to watch her grow into the woman she is meant to be.

Even if she does drive me crazy most days.

More Than Battle Buddies

I have been in the Army for almost seven months now.

 

Seven months sounds like a long time, but it really isn't. It's quick. It's short. It's nothing compared to the life that I still have left to live and the life I am providing for my family.

 

Is it hard to be away? Absolutely. I miss my beautiful little girl every day. I miss waking up to my husband every morning. I miss cuddling with my dogs while I read my book. I miss it all.

 

But this has been an amazing experience, for myself and for my family.

 

When I joined the Army almost seven months ago my goal was just to make it through BCT and AIT. I wasn't planning on making friends. I wasn't planning on getting to know anyone. I just wanted to get through.

 

And then I got on the plane with four of the craziest guys I have ever met and flew to Oklahoma to begin my journey. Along the way we met a couple others heading to the same place. And when we got there? Talk about a ton of people. There were about 50 of us waiting for the midnight bus. And let me just say that it was a terrible bus ride.

 

We had no idea what we were in for when we stepped off that bus. It was cold. It was raining. We had all our stuff with us. We were a mess. But we got there.

 

And then we made it through reception.

 

Reception was some of the worst days. They were long and tiring and we weren't doing anything but sitting around waiting for our name to be called for the next appointment. Oh, and there was a holiday that week so we spent an extra two days in reception. Joy.

 

But I realized during that time that there was no way I was going to make it through by myself. I started talking to the other females in my platoon and getting to know them. I learned their names, where they were from, what they did before the Army, and why they decided to join. I started making friends.

 

And then we went to the other side of the tracks and began our journey through BCT. And we met the males in our new platoon and began talking to them, getting to know them. We learned their names, where they were from, what they did before the Army, and why they decided to join. We made more friends.

 

And then we talked to the people in other platoons and got to know them. And guess what? We learned their names, where they were from, what they did before the Army, and why the decided to join. And pretty soon I had nearly 200 friends in the Army. It was crazy!

 

My platoon at BCT has seen me laugh, seen me cry, seen me angry, and seen me in pain. My platoon at BCT has been there for me when I've needed someone to just tell me I could do it. My platoon was there for me when I didn't know where else to turn. They supported me, just as I supported them. We helped each other and we made it through. We graduated from Army Basic Combat Training. We did it. And it was an amazing journey.

 

And I walked away with memories of people I will remember for a lifetime (though some of them I wish I wouldn't...).

 

Then I came to AIT with about a third of the people I graduated BCT with. And when we got here we formed a new platoon with Soldiers from another BCT. And we started talking to those soldiers and getting to know them. We learned their names, where they were from, what they did before the Army, and why they decided to join.

 

I have now spent 3 and a half months in AIT. And I have even more friends than I did when I graduated BCT.

 

And I say friends because that is what we have become.

 

These people aren't just my battle buddies. They are my friends. And some of them are my family.

 

They have seen me in my darkest days and supported me and helped me find the light again. These people have picked me up when I've been down. They've laughed with me and helped me to feel included. They have helped me understand what it means to be willing to sacrifice your own life for another.

 

I never want to see these people hurt. I never want to see them cry. I never want to see them struggle.

 

I want them all to succeed. I want them all to know happiness. I want them all to know love.

 

I want them all to feel as though they have a family bigger than just the people back home.

 

I have grown to love these people over the past 3-6 months. I have grown to care so immensely for these people that I don't know how I am going to leave them.

 

I didn't join the Army to make friends. But I will forever be thankful for the bonds that have been created during these initial months and for the people who have become lifelong friends and family to me.

 

Thank you for pushing me through and being there for me.

 

I love you all and I am so proud of each and every one of you.

I am an American Soldier

As you all know, I've been absent from the blogging world (not to mention Facebook and Instagram...) for several months now.

Thank you United States Army.

It's official.

I am a United States Soldier.

Honestly, saying it out loud still seems so unreal. I say it, and I hear myself say it, but it doesn't sound like it could even be possible.

Yes, I went through Basic Combat Training (BCT).

But it still doesn't quite seem real.

Let's talk a little bit about BCT...

During BCT, there was a schedule for everything. From wake-up at 0500 (sometimes earlier) to lights-out at 2100 (sometimes later). We even had a schedule for when we were allowed to do our laundry. If you ran out of socks on Wednesday, you were out of luck because your laundry day wasn't until Thursday. Turn them inside out and call it "good". And then, if you were lucky, you might have been back to the battery in time to wash and dry your clothes.

Now that's not to say BCT wasn't any fun... I had a blast!

I learned how to shoot. I participated in some seriously awesome, massive bruise producing obstacle courses. I learned how to move as a member of a firing team in a combat situation. I made it through a 4K, 8K and 16K road march carrying a 30lb pack. And I made some amazing friends along the way. BCT was an amazing experience and I honestly wish everyone who is physically able was required to go through it once in their lifetime.

Not only did I learn new things, I learned a lot about myself.

I learned that I can be confident in myself.

I completed BCT. Me. I did it all.

I shot 34/40 targets on the range. I passed all three of my PT tests with flying colors. I wore the uniform every day, even when I didn't want to get out of bed. I earned my position as squad leader.

I did those things.

Was it hard? Absolutely.

Did I miss my family each and every day? Hell yes.

But am I proud of what I accomplished? Am I proud of what I am still doing?

More than anything.

People have told me I am selfish for joining the military, especially with my daughter and my husband both needing extra medical care. They have told me I was wrong for leaving them to pursue my dream. They have told me I should have just stayed where I was and lived with the choices I had made.

Let me tell you something.

This isn't just my dream.

This is my husband's dream. My husband fully supports me and tells me how proud he is of me on a daily basis. He is excited for our future and can't wait to live the Army life again, even if he is on the other side of the fence this time.

This is my daughter's dream. It is important for children to grow up knowing their parents have become everything they've ever wanted to be. My daughter is witnessing me becoming the woman and Soldier I have wanted to be since before she is born. She is watching me push myself and succeed. She has seen me earn the right to call myself a Soldier.

This is my family's dream. Joining the Army is going to provide for us, keep us healthy and safe. Becoming an Army family is making us stronger, even when we are apart.

We are an Army family.

I am an American Soldier.