Chores: A Family Responsibility

Let's talk about chores.

I have never personally met anyone who actually enjoys doing chores. They aren't my favorite, they aren't my husband's favorite, and they definitely aren't my daughters favorite. If I had to guess, they probably aren't your favorite either.

Am I right? Or am I right?

However we may feel about chores, they are a part of life. If no one does the chores then we live in chaos. And I don't know about you, but I don't really want to live in a pig sty... Despite what my childhood bedroom may or may not have told you to the contrary...

Chores aren't fun. I hate doing the dishes. I hate sweeping the floors. I hate dusting the furniture. I hate cleaning the toilets. I hate giving the dogs baths and brushing their teeth. I don't really like chores. But they are a part of my every day life, regardless of how I feel about them.

My husband doesn't like chores. He doesn't like doing the dishes. He doesn't like doing the laundry. He doesn't like all of the things mentioned above. But, regardless of how he feels about them, they are a part of his life, too.

My daughter? She really doesn't like chores. She's nine years old and would rather be outside playing with her friends. Or playing with her Legos. Or watching Netflix. Or reading a book. Because who really wants to put their laundry away when they could be down the block on their bike?

Now I will be the first to say that my daughter doesn't have much to do in the way of chores. Of course she is responsible for clearing her dishes from the table after she's eaten, cleaning up her toys in her room and making sure the floor down her hallway is kept clear for people to walk. But I don't really consider those to be chores.

Kaley's "chores" are putting away her laundry, taking out the recycles and cleaning up the yard after the dogs. Those few things have been her chores for over three years now.

This past week, it was brought to my attention that maybe Kaley shouldn't be responsible for cleaning up after the dogs. People have said it shouldn't be her responsibility for reasons like they aren't her dogs, her step dad is home all day and it's just gross.

Sure, dog poop is pretty disgusting. No one wants to deal with it. But in our home they are her responsibility.

Yeah, her step dad is home all day. But he's also had nine spine surgeries and when they implanted the spinal cord stimulator in the summer of 2014 he was told that bending over could pull the wires out of the device and render it useless.

No, none of the dogs are really "labeled" as being "Kaley's dog". Why is this? Because we have asked her to show that she is responsible enough to take care of a dog. And she hasn't quite done that yet.

So, while we wait, two of the dogs remain "mine" and the other is a service dog for my husband.

But are we really in the wrong for expecting her to clean up the yard after the dogs?

And, let's be real- we live in South Carolina where it rains more days than it doesn't. So how often is she really out in the backyard cleaning up dog poop? Maybe once every three weeks when we've finally had four or five days without rain.

Maybe our understanding of things that should be a kids responsibility are out of line... Maybe we shouldn't expect our kids to do the same kinds of things we were expected to do as kids... Maybe kids are meant to live a life free of responsibility...

But not my kid. My child is expected to be a functional member of this family, with specific responsibilities to help our family be the best we can be. And if we all share the household responsibilities, even the ones we don't enjoy, then we will have more time to spend with one another and doing the things we love.

Because no one person should be responsible for everything if the home is meant to be happy.

The Child I'm Raising

I know this first post should probably be one that re-introduces myself and my family and talks about all of the things we've been up to for the past nearly two years... But it isn't going to be. I'll get around to that. I promise.

I was scrolling through my Facebook Newsfeed for probably the 52nd time today (because who doesn't spend at least 3 hours of their day stuck on Facebook!?) when a post caught my eye.

It was a link to an article that was titled Good Parenting Summed Up in 15+ Pictures. Since the title had my attention, I clicked on the link. Because we all click on at least 73.4 links on Facebook everyday, right?

As I looked through the pictures in this post, I began thinking about my own daughter. Some of these pictures reminded me of things she would do. For example, there is a picture of a little boy
helping" a bunny climb a wall. The bunny he's helping? It's part of a statue. But it was important to him that he be kind enough to "help" the bunny climb the wall to its' friends.

Things like what that little boy was doing are things that Kaley does. And up until I read it in black and white, I hadn't realized that it could be considered a sign of good parenting. I hadn't thought about it in those terms.

I've been the parent who has seen her daughter do those things and urged her to just continue on because she wasn't actually helping anything. I've been the parent who has seen her daughter do things like that and been frustrated by the fact that we were now running thirty seconds behind schedule. I've been the parent who witnessed her child crying because she couldn't follow the fire truck to see if her friends up the road were ok.

But I should have been thinking about how kind hearted my daughter was in those moments. I should have been seeing how warm and loving she was to those around her, even the animals she considers her friends. I should have been noticing how willing she was to lend a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on.

I shouldn't have been focused on the ten seconds we lost when she wanted to "talk" to the squirrel. I shouldn't have worried about the fact that she was "helping" or "feeding" an inanimate object. I shouldn't have told her she was being silly for these little things.

Those small little things my daughter does? I've never seen them for what they truly are- her gifts to the world around her. I've never considered that they were signs of good parenting. I've never thought of them as a symbol that while she may test my patience and drive me up the wall, she is a kind little girl with an open heart and mind.

I realize now that I have taught her well to appreciate the world around her. I have taught her well to be kind to others, even when you don't always agree. I have taught her well to be patient with children younger than her and to help when they ask. I have taught her well to live with a kind heart and an open mind.

I am proud of my daughter. I am proud of the young woman she is becoming. I am proud of the child I have raised, and I look forward to the rest of the days I have left to watch her grow into the woman she is meant to be.

Even if she does drive me crazy most days.