Learning to Co-Parent, Non-Traditionally

So everyone knows that I'm engaged now, which is why Musings of a Single Mama no longer exists. I've re-branded my blog and am working towards a new life. But it hasn't been easy, both personally and from a blogging standpoint. I haven't had any clue about what to write for a couple months now!

 

I have identified myself as a Single Mom for so many years that I haven't figured out truly how to transition away from it yet. It's a transition that I knew wasn't going to happen over night, but I didn't realize it would take me as long as it is.

 

Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love my fiancé and I am thrilled to have him join our family. But it's been an intriguing learning experience for me. I am so used to calling the shots of everything, on making all of the parenting decisions, on always putting Kaley's best interest above my own and everyone else's. So to have someone else to help me make these decisions and who is keeping not only Kaley's best interest at heart, but my own, has been such a blessing. But I'm still sitting here not knowing what to do half the time.

I've been getting hell from Kaley's biological father for a little while now because we aren't parenting together. So I took it upon myself to do some research into co-parenting techniques to see if maybe I could find a better way to manage it. Bottom line? Co-parenting works best when the other parent is actually present. He's not. And when he was around? He wasn't interested in co-parenting. He wasn't open to setting a specific set of rules that applied at both homes. He didn't want to work together to ensure our daughter's happiness. So I let it slide. Maybe I shouldn't have done that? I don't know. But it is what it is.

Now, here we are, three and a half years later and he's finally starting to show some interest in his daughter and in being a parent to her. But is it too little, too late? I'm kind of thinking it is. Not because I don't want him to be in her life, but because he isn't going about it the right way. But that's not what I want to write about at the moment.

 

What I want to talk about is my new experiences with co-parenting. I'm not exactly co-parenting with Kaley's biological father because, well, that seems to be impossible as he and I have completely different visions of what her life should be like. But I am having to learn how to co-parent with Pat.

 

 

He and I are, for the most part, on the same track. And it's expected that at times we will disagree, and we have. But I like to think we are figuring it all out together. Unfortunately, though, I still haven't entirely let go of the "Single Mom" way of life. And it can be a source of stress for us both.

 

This whole co-parenting thing isn't easy and I'm not learning co-parenting in the true sense of the word, but it's how it is for me. Sure it's nice to have him around to help out and have fun with, but I'm having a hard time adjusting to making decisions as a team. It's difficult to go from being a single parent for so many years to now having to communicate with someone else about everything. It's insane. And I commend Pat for putting up with me as I learn how to navigate this new road.

 

It's not easy. And I'm not succeeding quickly.

 

But my hope is that some day I will get there. And we will be the set of parents that Kaley can rely on and trust to always be there for her and to always have her best interest at heart.

 

 

Because she needs that.

 

And she deserves it.