"Real" Single Mom?

Today is Tuesday. And today being Tuesday, and the end of the day, means I have officially survived seven full days without my Gramma in the house. And that, my wonderful friends, means that I've actually survived running this household on my own for an entire week.

I have been told on numerous occasions that I'm not a "real" single mom because I live with a family member and I don't pay rent. Well, true, I live with my Gramma and I don't have to pay rent to her. But I do pay for all of my own groceries, covering myself, KBug and PJP. I also pay my own car bill and KBug's tuition for school. Neither of those were easy to do this past year while I was only working 5-10 hours per week in order to get further ahead in my studies so I can graduate this fall. But I never missed a payment.

Does not having to pay rent mean that I'm not a "real" single mom? No, I don't think so. I still have all of the rest of the same responsibilities of a single mom. I have to feed KBug, clean and fold her laundry, help her clean her room, make sure she gets to school on time, provide emotional support, take her to doctors appointments and help her complete her homework during the school year. And then during the summer there's still food and clothes to worry about, camps to get to and keeping her ready for the upcoming school year. Just because school is out, doesn't mean academic improvement gets thrown out the window!

I will admit that I have had more help than some single parents do. If I need a few minutes of down time, Gramma is more than willing to keep KBug occupied for me while I take a quick break. And if I am headed out the door but the laundry loads need to be shifted, I can ask Gramma and she'll move them for me. But I'm still basically on my own.

And I've had the opportunity this week to discover that, if I really were on my own, I could actually do the single mom thing. We are a week without Gramma and the house isn't a complete disaster. The dogs have been fed, I've made breakfast, lunch and dinner for all of us, the dishes aren't piled up in the sink (well, they are right now because we just finished dinner a little while ago...), and laundry is running. I feel like I've done really well for this past week.

Maybe this isn't much to a lot of people, but a lot of people aren't me. I've had such a backwards life that it's not even funny. Growing up I had responsibilities, but they weren't anything all that difficult. Then I was thrown into life at 16 years old with an abusive husband and a newborn. I wasn't prepared at all for it, but I made the best of my situation. And then I was divorced at 19, back living in my Gramma's home and trying to figure out how to live here without "rules" but with "standards" and "courtesies".

It's been a ridiculous adventure, trying to grow up while still living with someone I lived with as a child. There are times where I have to remind myself that I'm not a child anymore and I have to get up and run my laundry or sweep the floors. There's no magic fairy who makes all of that happen. It's up to me to keep my life, and KBug's life, running smoothly. And I like to think I've done a pretty good job considering my situation.

It hasn't always been easy. And I know it won't ever be easy. But I am feeling very accomplished now that I've survived the week. And it is a huge comfort to know that if I had to, I could do this single mom thing on my own.

Maybe I'm not a "real" single mom by the standards of society. But I'm doing what I can to give KBug a happy and full life. And if that means I live with my Gramma and don't pay rent, so be it. She's in an environment where she's cared for and loved and we will both be better off living this life than if I was constantly working and still trying to get my degree. I'd never have any time for her.

And spending time with KBug is so much more important than being a "real" single mom.