The Runner's Blues

A little over a year ago, I started running. I didn't really want to start running, but I knew it would be good for me, so I didn't it anyways. And it took me a while, but it eventually became enjoyable. It was time to myself- I could think, I could make decisions, I could de-stress, I could feel better- all while pounding the pavement for ten or fifteen minutes.


A couple months in, I was approached by another parent from KBug's school. They had found a running program called Girls on the Run and they were looking for volunteers to help coach the teams when they implemented the program in the fall. I thought it was kind of cool that this parent even knew that I had started running. I honestly wasn't sure anyone had noticed my posts to Facebook about running because my distances and times were so short compared to the half-marathons and marathons they were training for. But I agreed, deciding that it could be a really good thing for me to get more into running and to help the girls at our school learn how to take care of themselves.

Well, the program ran for 12 (I think) weeks, and at the end of the program is a 5K with all of the schools who participated meeting to run together. Ours was scheduled for the first weekend in December, so I had plenty of time to prepare and get myself ready for this 5K.

I decided, though, that before that 5K I wanted to participate in the local Turkey Trot 5K on Thanksgiving. I wanted my first 5K to really be about me. I wanted to be able to set my own pace and know what I was comfortable doing. For whatever reason, that was really important to me. I finished that race with a time of 33:33. It was my fastest 3 mile time to-date and I was very happy! Especially since I didn't walk until I had already run 2.7 miles. I was feeling awesome!

Just about to come across the finish line!

Well, I finished that race and I was so excited for the next one! I only had a week and a half to wait, and then it was time! Of course, the day before the race I came down with a terrible head cold, so I wasn't feeling all that great, but I was up and ready to go. It was race day and I wanted to have that sense of accomplishment. The rules of the program were that each participant had to have a running buddy, so I had two awesome 4th grade students to run with and I was really excited to get started. We finished the race in under 36 minutes, and the girls were so proud of themselves! And, being a teacher and coach, I was thrilled to have helped them reach the finish line and enjoyed watching them feel so accomplished!

This is the whole group of us before the run!

Now, I'm not going to lie. I slacked off over the course of the next two months. It didn't take me long to realize I really, really, really didn't like running in the cold. And it was cold outside. So I wasn't as dedicated as I wish I had been, but I still got out there about once a week and went for a mile or two. Like I said, total slacker.

In February I started to pick it back up, and at the beginning of March someone told me about the upcoming Glow Run that was happening in a few weeks downtown. I was excited to have another local race, hopped online and registered! This was a great race to get me back into the groove, too, because it was a night-time race and I love running at night! So I started picking up the pace again, getting myself up to that 3 mile mark.

Well, I got about a week in and my right foot started hurting. And, of course, it's hurting in the place I broke it when I was a kid. *Cue panic attack* After running through some pain, I finally talked to Gramma about what was going on and put my dilemma out to my friends on Facebook. They all suggested getting insoles or being properly fitted for running shoes. I wasn't working on a high-income at that point, so I opted for getting insoles. Dr. Scholls, here I come!

I put a pair of insoles into my shoes, and that largely fixed the problem. Then I was having problems with my calves getting ridiculously tight while I ran. So I started stretching like crazy, all the time. By the time the Glow Run came around, I was feeling really good! The race started and we took off! It was go time!

At a mile and a half I was hit with a major allergy attack. I seriously felt like I couldn't breathe at all. I took to the side and slowed to a walk. Now, I had learned at that point that slowing to a walk doesn't do good things for me. It just makes my calves tighten up and makes it really painful to pick up a running pace again. But I had to walk and try and catch my breath. I walked for about a quarter mile and then picked up my run again. It hurt, but I managed to get all the way to the finish line with a time of 31:18!

I sneezed for about ten minutes straight after this race...

Everything has kind of gone downhill from there. I finished that race, and signed up for another one within a few days. I was loving the feeling of actually being able to run and enjoy it and I wanted to beat my time. I was starting to compete with myself because I could see that I was getting better and I could feel that it was getting easier.

Except that the insoles I put in my shoes started hurting me like crazy. The way they were made, they only extended to cover about half of my foot. But they weren't shaping the my foot the way they were supposed to, instead just digging into the inside of my foot. OUCH!

I ran the St. Jude Fun Run 5K in April, finishing with a time of 31:53. I had to walk more in the second mile than I had hoped, though, because my feet were just killing me. It was like someone was shoving a knife into my foot, it hurt that bad. But I think I finished with a pretty decent time, and I'm happy with my accomplishment!

This was after I'd crossed the finish line for a second time.
I had a friend who ran the race and I went back after I finished to push her through to the end!

Now I was really hooked to the feeling of accomplishment coming from running these races. On one hand I'm sitting here thinking "It's only a 5K"... But on the other hand I'm thinking "It's a 5K! That's 3 miles!" There are a lot of people out there who can't run a 5K, and there are even more who won't run a 5K. So, sure, in the racing world a 5K is pretty minimal. But in the grand scheme of things, I think it's an accomplishment worth being proud of.

After that St. Jude Fun Run 5K, it all got so much worse. My insoles were killing my feet and I had begun to have pain in my right knee. But I was a dedicated runner and I had another race coming up in May. And there was no way I was backing out of running the Run for the Warriors 5K to support Hope for the Warriors. It was important to me, and I really wanted to run it with a friend of mine.

I trained as much as I could, dealing with the pain and listening to Mr. Boston get frustrated because I was hurting so badly and more often. And then it was race day. We got up early, got dressed and headed out to the race. But the timetable they had given in the information packet at check-in the day before wasn't accurate. We got there at 7:20 thinking we had 20 minutes to stretch, but they were already lining everyone up for the 5K and we were off less that 5 minutes later. Zero stretching time. We made it through mile one and my friend had to stop because her foot was bothering her. We walked a bit. And then we picked up the run again. But I had to stop and walk because my knee was bothering me. We finally picked it back up again and were able to run the last half mile at a run because, well, it was the last half mile and we just wanted to be done.

Here we are after the race!

I was really disappointed with my time for this race. I came in at a 33:51. It was my worst 5K time to-date and I was so upset with myself. But up until now, I haven't said anything about it. I just brushed it off, saying it didn't matter and that I was fine.

Well, the reality is that I wasn't fine. I was furious. I was so frustrated with myself because I felt like this running thing was just not working out and I really wanted it to. Why wouldn't my body just cooperate with me and let me run the way I want to!?

After that, I started running less often. But I knew I had a race coming up in June so I picked it back up when I got home from my sister's birthday party. I wanted to use the race at the end of June to get it back and beat my time from the Glow Run. I was excited!

First thing I did was buy a pair of running shoes. I went to a highly recommended store, I was fitted for a pair of shoes and I tried them out! They are a fabulous pair of shoes and I love them! But I pronate and it still hurt, just not as bad. The new shoes have more support on the inside of my foot that help. Just not enough to make the pain go away.

So I talked to Gramma and we ordered a set of wraps for my feet that have a gel section that I can place under the inside of my arch to keep my foot from pronating like it was. I ran in those a few times before the race and my feet were finally feeling good!

It's now the morning of the Run for the Shelter 5K and I'm all set to run with Funny Postpartum Lady and Diary of a Fit Single Mom. I get there, my feet are feeling good and I'm all stretched out. The race starts and Liz takes off, leaving Michelle and I to set our own pace. I was doing really well and feeling really good until we hit 1.25 miles. And then the pain just hit me. I slowed to a walk, urging Michelle to keep going because I wanted her to beat her goal time. I walked for a bit, determining that the pain wasn't in my feet and it wasn't in my calves. It was in the inside of my legs, right where the calf muscle meets my shin bone. Great. I walked the majority of the second mile, trying to stretch it out and work through the pain and I picked it up for the last mile. But I spent the last mile in so much pain that it took everything I had not to collapse and cry when I finished. My time was pretty awful again, coming in at about 34:35. Major disappointment.

Because of where the pain was, I decided to do some research and all of my research has led me to think I have posterior shin splints. Great.

So here I am, wishing I could go out for a run because I'm ridiculously stressed right now, and I can't. Why? Because my body hates me, I swear. I just want to run and feel good about myself and like I'm actually getting somewhere with my running.

I'm signed up for a 10K at the end of next month. And my friend just asked me to run a 5K with her the week before that. And I want to run a half-marathon in October. But my darned legs just aren't cooperating!

It's really frustrating. And it's causing me to be more stressed than I already am. And I just don't know what to do about it.

I talked to Gramma about it on the phone tonight. I ended up in tears over it, I'm so disappointed and frustrated. Mr. Boston keeps asking me what's wrong, and I don't want to cry about it in front of him because I'm so frustrated that I can't just push through this. So I'm at a loss.

I know eventually I'll get it all figured out. We're going on our vacation next week and Mr. Boston has agreed to take me to the track to run while we are in Boston as long as I take this week off from running. So I'm trying. I might be bat-sh*t crazy by the end of the week because I'm so stressed, but I am trying. He doesn't want to see me in pain, and I understand that. So I'm doing my best.

It's just irritating to have a body that doesn't want to let me do what I want to do.

And adding it to everything else I have going on in life really isn't helping.

I've got a really bad case of the runner's blues.