Coffee & Conversation #8 [Most Valuable Friendship]

I'm linking up (a day late) with Kalyn from Love. Laughter. Happily Ever After. and Lauren over at Simply Free for Coffee and Conversation #8! Let me tell you again that I absolutely love this link up and if you haven't checked it out yet, you definitely should. This isn't your standard link-up with basic questions. These are questions that truly make you think and feel and find something meaningful to write about. And I am very excited for this weeks question!

"What is the most valuable friendship you have in your life and what makes it so great?"

Submitted by Lisa @ Two Martinis

 

If you've been following my blog for a little while, you may have read Single Mama Troubles [one]:: On Making Friends. And if you haven't, let me just tell you that I can sum it up in just a few words- I have no friends.

 

Well, ok, I have a few friends. But I only have two friends that live nearby. The rest of my friends? They live in different states. But even though they don't live here and I don't see them nearly as often as I would like, I do love them. Each and every one of them and I know that they aren't here because that is what is best for their family. I understand and I am not bitter. Just lonely, sometimes.

 

But out of all of the friends I have made over the years, I have one true best friend.

 

Rae.

 

Rae and I- Lake Tahoe, April 2012

Now Rae and I have a very weird story behind our friendship... We met in 8th grade because we were in the same computer class. Honestly? That was a seriously boring class and we were two of three girls in the room. It was kind of hard for us to not become sort-of friends. But we weren't fast friends by any means. We hung out in computers and that was the extent of it.

 

We got a little bit closer during our Freshman year of high school. Well, not really. Mostly our friendship comprised of her dragging me away from my boyfriend so we weren't late for 5th period and me listening to her complain about her classes. Or boys. Or friends. Or her parents. Or whatever happened to be on her mind.

 

Basically?

It was just someone to walk to class with.

 

Sophomore year was vastly different for me. I had stopped dating my boyfriend from the year before and started dating the Ex Husband. I had also started hanging out with an entirely different crowd from the group who I considered friends the year before. Why? Because they all decided I was terrible for breaking up with him and dating the Ex Husband. I really didn't care, though. I was depressed, cutter, anorexic Christine at this point (you can read about her here).

 

I'm not entirely clear on when Rae disappeared from our school. I honestly didn't pay much attention since I was no longer part of that circle of friends. Why should I bother to care what they were doing when they obviously couldn't care less about me? No big deal. Whatever. (I have since learned that she moved to Indiana at some point and finished high school there.)

 

Anyways. Fast forward to March 2008. We've been graduated for almost a year, the Ex Husband and I have split up and I'm living in NC, raising my not quite 2 year old daughter. Life is crazy and I started talking to an old friend, courtesy of MySpace (yes, I did just write that...). So old friend, we'll call him D.N., and I are talking and decide to try a long distance relationship (NC to Hawaii is a six hour time difference...) Well, a few weeks into this relationship, Rae posts a comment on his MySpace page saying how much she missed him and she couldn't wait to move to Hawaii and be with him that summer and she loved him.

 

I flipped the heck out!

Seriously, you can ask them both... They'll tell you...

 

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I guess Rae and D.N. had previously been together and had discussed her moving out there or something and blah, blah, blah. The details are a little hazy. In the end D.N. and I broke up, but still maintained a friendship.

 

And Rae had just found out she was pregnant so she ended up turning to me for some advice because I had been there before.

 

Long story short? She's been my best friend ever since.

 

Yeah, we're weird like that.

 

The question was what is my most valuable friendship. And my friendship with Rae is my most valuable friendship.

 

Rae has been there for me every time I have needed her since early on in 2008. If I needed reassurance, a shoulder to cry on, someone to vent to, or just someone to chat with, she's been there. And that is absolutely amazing to me.

 

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Why?

Because in the almost 5 years that we have been best friends we have spent less than 10 days together.

 

Yes, you read that correctly. Just under 5 years of friendship, less than 10 days of that spent with on another.

 

Our friendship has survived on very little throughout these 5 years. We have both been through hell and fought our way back. We have both struggled through some massive obstacles. We have both been unemployed, lacking child support, fighting to provide for our daughters. We have both dealt with the court system, crazy baby daddy drama, and wacky new girlfriends. We have both dealt with sick children, temper tantrums and long days and nights on our own.

Rae and I- Vegas June 2012

I think some of the best friendships are formed based on common experiences. I know that ours certainly was. But it's not just that. Rae makes me laugh, makes me cry, makes me happy, and sometimes she makes me want to scream. Sometimes she does things that I think are completely insane and other times I can't help but love her more for how big her heart is. Sometimes I want to beat her over the head, but most of the time I just want to give her a huge hug and tell her how awesome she is.

 

Rae is my best friend. I can call her for anything, any time, day or night. And it doesn't matter what time zone we are in. It doesn't matter if we are the entire country apart from one another. It just matters that we both know that we can pick up the phone when we need to.

 

For anything.

Any time.

Day or night.

 

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My best friend, my most valuable friendship, means the world to me. I honestly don't know who I would be without such an amazing person to be my partner in crime. Even if we do have to be partners in crime from a few thousand, or now only several hundred, miles away.

 

I wish Rae lived closer every day. I wish we could spend more time together. I wish we could do the kinds of things that best friends usually do more than once a year. I wish that our children could play together and know each other. I wish that our friendship could be more than just a phone call every week or two.

 

But Rae will still be my best friend, even if that day never comes.

 

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Rae is strong. Rae is smart. She is stubborn, sometimes more than is good for her. She is determined. Rae is beautiful. She is a fabulous mother. Rae has an amazing heart. She is talented. She is bold. She is lovable. Rae is kind. Rae is generous. She is supportive, even when she thinks I'm being stupid. And she is honest and will tell me when she thinks I'm being stupid. She is quick with her words, and sometimes quick-tempered. But she knows when to back off. Rae has an unbelievable sense of self for being only 23. She knows exactly who she is and she doesn't care what the rest of the world thinks. Rae always does what she thinks is best for her daughter. She doesn't let others bully her or take advantage of her. Rae is private and likes to be in control of her life. Rae is faithful and loyal to those who have proven themselves worthy. Rae is trustworthy. She is a rock.

 

So who cares we've spent less than 10 days together in the last 5 years? That doesn't matter. Who cares if we only get a chance to have a decent phone conversation once or twice a month? That doesn't matter either. Who cares if we became best friends because of a boy (whom we both still happen to be friends with)? Doesn't make a bit of difference.

 

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What matters is that we make it work. We put in the effort. We find the time. We save every penny, nickel and dime. We make it happen. It's worked really well for us so far. Who's to say it can't work for as long as it has to? Hopefully someday we will be able to live near one another again. But, in the mean time, we'll make the best of what we have. We'll keep up the phone calls, the Facebook posts and our Best Friend <3 Board on Pinterest.

 

I'll make sure that Rae knows she is always in my heart, just as I know she will make sure I know that I am always in hers. And it doesn't get much better than that. I mean, really... What more could a girl ask for? Not much, I don't think. Because nothing is better than having an absolutely amazing best friend.

 

Oh, and because I know she'll read this, here's one last picture for my best friend.

 

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I love you, Rae!

You're the best friend I've ever had!