I've been a single mama for some time now. Actually, I've been raising KBug alone for a little over 5 years now.
That's a scary thought.....
Anyways. One thing I have found very difficult being a single parent is making friends.
When my ex-husband and I first split up a lot of our friends picked sides. Honestly? They pretty much split down the middle. All of my female, mommy friends remained "my friends" and all of his male, work friends became "his friends" along with their wives. No big deal, right?
Well, it really wasn't a big deal at the time. But what became an issue a couple of years later is the fact that all of my female, mommy friends were married to a man in the Marine Corps. And with the Marine Corps comes changes in duty stations.
Which means almost all of my friends moved away.
And they all moved away within six months of each other.
Even the friends I made after he and I split up.
Seriously? Just my luck!
Well, one would think that with KBug having been in school for two years at that point that it wouldn't have mattered. But it did.
KBug had been in school and she had made friends, but I didn't feel like I quite fit in. I was a single parent, for starters. And then to make it even more difficult I was a very young single parent. And there weren't many of those with children in her class, or even in her school as far as I knew.
Now, here we are, almost two years later and I still don't feel like I have many friends around here.
And that's because I really don't.
Sure, I have friends on Facebook who have children in KBug's class, but do we ever spend time together outside of school events? No. There's one other single parent in her class and she's around my age, but we haven't ever hung out away from the school. It's kind of depressing.
And maybe it's me? Maybe I'm just not making much of an effort? My life is crazy enough as it is, so why would I to go making new friends and just adding more to my list of things to do?
Because I'm a social butterfly, that's why.
I would love to have more friends in this area. I spend all of my time either at home, at the school or at the church. And I know that isn't a bad thing, trust me. But it's kind of boring. And I'm really not sure what to do about it.
Is there a way for me to fit in being a young, single mom?
How do I make it work?
What's the secret?
Oh Christine, you speak words I know all too well!! I feel like my friends are all busy with their lives and families or moved away and I get bummed out when I hang with them and their hubbies. Makes me feel super insecure about being a single mom. I had my son when I was 19 and he's 11 now. It goes by so fast but it can be quite lonely. It's hard but you have to try to get out there if and when you can because if you don't, you can get a little stir crazy. Being a single mama is hard HARD work because you have to do it all. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI'm not a single mom, but I do see how what you're talking about happens really easy. It's difficult because you can't go out when you want, and then there isn't always the support a lot of people get from their friends who are a support system for parents.
ReplyDeleteHeidi’s Wanderings
I'm so sorry, I know how it feels being surrounded with people without having actually any friends.
ReplyDeleteOn the one hand I would not stress the single parent so much. You can easily be friends with married people who are older than you. We've become close friends to people who are so different than we were, that it should not have worked, but you can be friends with all different types of people; why not married ones with or without kids, younger people, older people. Look for things you have in common rather than things that are different.
I have become friends with some of the parents in Lily's class, even though I am much younger than most of them. They are all SAHMs while I work full time. They are involved in kindergarten activities while I am not. But the kids get along well, and we have found things we have in common, so it's always fun to hang out.
Also: try to establish different circles of friends. We have at least three different circles, including the friends we know from kindergarten who have little kids, our gaming friends, our friends from back in the States, etc. We communicate differently, we do different activities together, and so on.
Hugs to you, and good luck getting yourself out there!
I'm sure it's hard and I've never been there. But if I was I'd tell you to just keep trying and be you and dont be someone you're not. Maybe the others have had issues before and are just scared. It could be a numerous of things. No need worrying over something you dont can't worry about. Give it to the Lord and let him take full control.
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